Choose carefully

I am sure everyone has heard the saying your choices have consequences, and I am sure not everyone believes that. When I was younger I never believed that, we'll what teen does. Now as a mother I know all my decision effect my children so I am careful of what I do. 
      Recently we are planning to move to new Mexico but my pastor shed some light to my plans. He said in our current situation we had to get our family together before we move. He said that our decision now will later not be liked we had planned. It's true with our family currently not together the move will only widen the gap.  So we will definitely take time to build our marriage, our family, and our spirtuality before we make the move. That opened my eyes that as much good intentions our choice to move is, we have to have look at who will be effected and how everything will be effected.
       Another recent effect of my choices happened very recent. My oldest daughter started to all about her real dad. I don't know much about him. I was young, I wanted someone to love me and the only way I thought I would very someone to love me is by sex. And that is how I had my oldest daughter. As I talked with her and I asked her why did she want to know now.  She said she just wanted to know if anyone was looking for her.  Oh my heart broke!  I couldn't lie to her anymore she was old enough to understand. So I told her the truth and it hurt me but I realized right them and there that my choices effect her in so many ways. I told her she had the right to be mad at me or even hate me because of my bad decisions but she understood. We cried and talked about it but in the end she knew she has a dad who loves her very much. 
        So please when you do things for yourself think how is this going to effect my kids, loved ones, or my other half. The effect may not show up right away or even a couple of days but it will eventually come up. So I beg please please please think before you act.

Live and learn

Well, I must say I was done wrong by a lady who I thought was my friend. Or at least I never thought she would do this to me. Well she is my dad's "friend" (they have a complicated relationship ) anywho she has been super nice to my family and I. We wanted to better my husband life so he decided to go to school. We barrowed money from and well financial aid was taking their time to approve him, and she was getting very impatient. So of course my husband got a second job so that we can pay her back (as well as have extra money for Christmas) so that is the back story.
     Recently my dad had come down for a men's rally with our church. That same weekend my mother in law came down as well as we had 3 birthday parties in 1 day. Not to mention the light parade that night and church the next day. She had sent me a blanket and had asked me to sew the edges on it.  I totally wanted to but I didn't have any time. I made it to all 3 parties and spent time with my in laws that came into town and also with my dad and sister :) so needless to say I didn't get time to sew the blanket.  I drove my dad back to Tucson and i told him I hope she won't get mad that I didn't get to sew the blanket and he said no.  So I came home and thought nothing of it.
              Wednesday she messaged me on Facebook asking if I could pass a message to my pops so I did and I figured I might as well let her instead of hiding it from her. Boy was I wrong about her not getting mad!!! She went off on me!! Told me I had time to sew a dress why couldn't I do this. (BTW the dress I sewed I did over 3 weeks period taking my time) I didn't respond thinking she'll get over it. Nope I was wrong!!! This lady went and put me on blast on Facebook!!!! Saying a bunch of stuff. Like I wasn't paying her back and she helped get me the sewing machine and I couldn't even sew a blanket. So I was really hurt she put all that business out there on Facebook. So needless to say it blew up. I didn't respond I just let her know she hurt my feelings and that our friendship is over I want Nothing to with her anymore.  So she resorted to emailing me!!! Saying that I was being selfish!!!!
      I have people tell me to not let it get to you. To just leave her be and ignore it. I means it's easier said than done. I was a very very very vengeful person. If anyone did me like I would make their lives a living hell. So naturally God had been working on me to not be that way and I must say it's working. As every fiber in my body wanted to lash out on her I just couldn't. I just cried. I couldn't believe someone that seemed to nice be so cruel.
        So among the many lessons I learned in this situation 2 are very important. 1 Is if your going to do someone a favor or something nice do it without expecting something in return. It only comes back to you if you do it with a right heart. Those people don't owe you if you do something for them. Be a blessing and leave it at that. If they return the favor take it as a blessing. People ask for help because they are in need not because they can return it to you. The 2nd is the best reaction is to not react. People say things and do things to get a reaction out of you. The best way to be the bigger person is to not stoop to their level.  Let them say what they want no matter how much it burns.  I can say this because it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but now as I look back at everything I can say I didn't make things worse, I stayed quiet.
      I am a very giving person if I have the means to help someone I will.  I do it with the right heart I know they may not repay me but hey at least I was able to help.  I no longer wish mean on anyone and I don't retaliate anymore.  All that is through God.  So it's hard when someone does this to me. I never did anything to deserve this. I have never done this woman wrong for her to say hurtful things to me. It's hard to not crawl back into my shell and stop helping people, I know God can heal my heart and make me stronger. I may not understand fully why she did this to me but I do know that my God is bigger and he will get vengeance for me. Also He will strengthen me to continue to do right. 
       So moral of all this is trust God he can get you through the toughest situations and strengthen your heart to deal with any bad that may come against you.

Kids how are we raising them

Ok as a mother of 4 girls I can't help but look at how we are raising our kids. As a person who was raised in a single mother home I had my share of troubles lol. So I look at my girls and can't help think oh goodness what do I have in store for me lol. But I must say between my husband and I our girls are pretty ok. I mean no they are not perfectbut no they are not trouble makers either (the jury is still out on my youngest lol ) take my oldest, I had a meeting with the teacher to get on the same page and I found out my daughter had a situation at school.  As she talked about it was like oh no girl drama already!! But then she said " I don't like drama, I try to stay out of it and not be around it. " I had to ask the teacher did I hear what I thought I heard and the teacher laughed and said yes that only my daughter and 1 other girl are not involved in this drama!!! I had to hold on to my chair lol. Later when we got home I was so surprised that my very own daughter stays out of drama!!! It still trips me out lol but I did let her know that makes me so proud of her. And well my other girls are the same easy to please and open to anything and very thankful and loving and I can't help but thank God for all of it, because I know on my own I can't do it.
          I have friends and my own sister that home school their kids. There are times where I think I can home school them, I know when we move to NM I will home school for a year but I also have concerns about that. I mean we are raising our kids and teaching them to survive the real world. So are we helping them by keeping them home away from the real world? The real world is the big test how we did as parents, what we taught them, and how we taught them. I mean they still have to go in the world and get a job if they don't know how to interact with authority figures is a big show on how they were raised.  My girls go to public school and that right there is my test. How they react, respond, and interact with other people is a big reflection on me. Don't get me wrong if you can home school and shelter your kids then by all means do it I want to try I know it'll be hard for me but I do know one thing I won't be sheltering my kids.
        I see parents teaching the age old "do as I say not as I do". But I am noticing the kids are doing just as the patents.  As parents we have to look at our actions and think is this how I want my child to act? OK yes let's look at me lol I am opinionated and I don't hold back nothing.  I think would I want my daughters like me and I say yes because in this world if a person doesn't speak up for themselves they will get taken advantage of. I warn my girls that there are people out there that will take advantage of them and their friendship. To guard your heart because life doesn't care about age, race, or body size. When it hits you it will hit you hard. 
      So we have to look at our kids are we raising people that will be a productive person to society or a menace. Never ever teach your child "do as I do" they will always do as you do no matter what. As a patent, when offer kids go into the world and live on their own, will we as parents pass the test?  Will our kids succeed or will they be 30 and moving back home with mom with all their kids and wife?  The goal for kids is to raise them well enough that when they get older and as you get older they will take care of you and not put you in a resting home.

Seek encouragement

Why is it when someone feels down or sad or just beat up by life they don't go ask for help or encouragement?  I know why I personally don't because I get shy or scared people will not understand what I am going through.  I am learning tho that when I do decide to open up and say something someone comes up to me and says "I feel the same way" or "I know exactly what you mean" or "u am going through the exact same thing" then after that I feel better that I said something. So here I am saying something.
     So my husband started a second job he works from 7 am to 1 am the next morning. It's been really hard for me. I don't know about everyone else but I have grown used to my husband being around. He became my best friend, my companion, my partner. So I for used to him being with me a lot. I am hurting right now. With these late night of staying up waiting for him my mind starts to go places I try and pray to keep away from but hey I am a woman, we crazy! !😉 so I start to feel really lonely and sad. I start to think he must be talking to other women because he doesn't seem to be as lonely as I feel. Someone else must be filling in my spot. And then when he misses events we would do as a family with my girls school or church really gets to me. 😖😭 I just wanna cry and give in to my emotions. The only thing that is keeping me from breaking down is I won't be able to stop and I don't want my girls to see me like that.
     I don't know how women who have husband's who are in the military do it. I give you ladies gold stars!!! 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 also to the ladies who have husband's who work in other states too. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 I do understand now how women go cheat on their husbands while they are away. Being lonely is hard very hard especially when you have children to because you have to explain over and over and over and over where daddy is and why he isn't there. Just remember that he is doing this for the family. His efforts are not in vain. Those of us that stay strong and hold the house down show them that we appreciate everything they do for us. To those that went out and cheat well there is always a woman out there that will appreciate what you took for granted.
  OK ok ok back to my point. I say all my feelings because I need a friend that will encouraging my and just listen to me to just be there so I can cry and not make it seem like I am over reacting. But how do I all my friends that this is what I need without sounding needy lol. I'd that made sense lol. Me personally tell people don't be shy or embarrassed to ask me I don't mind being there while you have a melt down I won't judge. So I think do I have that kind of friend? Can I just say I am on the verge of a melt down can you help me. And what will they think of me if I walk up and say that?  And at some point do I have to ask? Don't they know being without a husband is hard and figure I am going through it and just come up and comfort me and encourage me without having to ask?  Who knows but I know once I find someone to have my melt down with I will look at my friends and find out who can I help.      
              Let's take a look at or friends and other around us, those are who is going through it but don't know how to or won't ask for encouragement. Let's see what we can do to help them and get them through this melt down. Like I said I am going to go help my friends but first I have to help myself. So my prayer is to open hearts that we as ladies, mothers, women of God go and help those who just need a person to sit as they cry it out. That our hearts will want to help others that we won't be able to sleep till we go and just let them know look I ain't leaving till you have your melt down lol
              Have a good night 😎

I don't need to do it to get other's approval

So as many of you know I have started to work out with my sis. I go to planet fitness because i dont need to be judged or checked out as I work out lol. No I don't wear any cute work out clothes or have my hair in a cute ponytail. I wear whatever I can sweat in comfortably lol. We do what we can and have a good time. We don't need to go work out where all the guys are actually we avoid that area lol. We finally found a good time to go when there isn't a lot of people hehe.
        I do notice that when I tell people I started to work out they think I do it to see fast results but I don't. I don't wanna meal plan at all to me it's so blan to eat the same thing over and over again. I enjoy my eating habits and well it hasn't killed me yet and I am almost 30 but mentally I feel 50 lol.I do know once iI start to eat healthy I will get sick its a fact. Any who back to "seeing results" right away justiisn't for me. I have noticed that people go work out and want a good body to show it off or the get other people's approval and to be honest more power to them. If I think a girl looks good and works out and meal plans for her body I compliment her because she looks good and she worked hard to look good.However I have notices that the song says baby got back and all they girls dancing in music video are not skinny they all have junk in the trunk. The only person I need approval from loves all my curves and battle scars from having his kids ;). I also see girls posting pictures of themselves half naked as a married woman I don't approve if you work out to have a good body the only person that should see your half naked pictures is your husband. Now if your single show it girl but have some self respect and keep some to the imagination we don'twanna know the change you have in your back pocket lol. Same goes with guys if you have to post a picture with your shirt off keep it to your wife ;) On the other hand before I get bombed on lol showing your progress is fine. One picture once a month or even twice but everyday and in your underwear is no no. Yes I am guiltyof taking a selfie at the gym with my sis -I love to take pictures and we ain't half naked in them so ha lol.
          Yes we should all encourage each other those of that work out or even change eating habits because that's a big step in life. Its a hard choice all together and it gets hard and not everyone has a support system so if we could encourage one another and tell them to keep going more and more people will start to reach their goals and not give up. Not everyone can just jump in it and give everything up and become healthy over night {me being one of them lol} so don't get mad because someone works out slower than others and don't wanna see results right away encourage them to not give up. As for me you can count on me to encourage you and to be in your corner to "cheer" you on. :)

Things get complicated sometimes

          Well, as most of you know my family is a blended family. We have family in New Mexico and we try as much as we can to go see them, but it isn't a lot. So every time we do things as a family here I feel like I am not whole, I miss my step children. Yes they are not mine and there are a lot of step moms out there that could care less if the step children are involved or not. That's not me. Our kids bonded so well and accepted one another like they are blood brother and sisters that it really hurts my heart to only talk to them over the phone and to hear how much they miss each other and especially how much they miss their dad.
          So I have been wanting to talk to my pastor about why do I feel like this and if it is Gods will that we move or stay. What is Gods will for our family? Pastor preaches that boys need to be raised by their dads, and that the spirit of rejection is big in a divorced family. So when I hear that my heart breaks because I don't want that for any kids mine or not. I am a product of divorce and I know the spirit of rejection first hand. I know what kids go through when the dad leaves the home, I know how lonely it gets missing your dad and wanting to be with him. which makes my heart break even more. So I pray God show me what we need to do and if it is your will that we stay here please take these feelings out of my heart. Don't let me feel so broken and guilty and bad that those children don't have their dad. Don't let me feel like its my fault that we only see them when we have enough money. Well, that has been my prayer for weeks now, I have cried about it and fasted over this situation. Last night I went and talked to my pastor to see if maybe God have him the answer and need me to seek it from my leader. However he told me it is a tough question/decision to keep praying about it.
          My husband and I have talked about it and with heavy hearts we have decided to move closer to the children. So yes that means we are moving to New Mexico. We are currently looking at houses and well, my husband has thrown a couple of other city names out there besides Albuquerque. He is looking at Durango Colorado and Farmington. Yes it is scary to relocate my whole family to place where I don't know anyone. But I know in the end it will come out right. I know a lot of people are not going to be happy about this news. I ask please help us pray God opens doors for us, that we go where God wants us to be. Where we can continue to grow in him as well as where we can be the most help at also.
          Now please no negative prayers please because as of now I am praying that God send them right back where they came from. I know God will show us what we need to do and will open doors as long as we have faith and believe in Him.  I will miss my family and friends but if they truly love me they will pray that God will put us where we will be safe and well taken care of.  So I write this because this issue has been keeping me up at night has been tugging at my heart and I feel like this is very important. I want to say that I believe God and He will move and open doors and all of you will witness the awesome power that God can do.

We are important!!

                I am sooo sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I have been wanting to blog about this subject for a while, I even came to the library to so I can blog and let the kids get Internet time too, but then I forgot what I was going to blog about lol. So here I am back the library and this time I remembered what I wanted to blog about :)
                So this may be sad but the last movie I saw was "moms night out" I have to say I wasn't really interested in it to begin with. Then I heard about it on the radio over and over and over. I probably seen the previews and said oh my goodness I have to see this movie. However.....I don't remember. lol I watched that movie with my husband and girls. They didn't get to finish it because of bed time hehe. I must say I totally felt like I could relate to that movie!! They did a good job picking a good actress for the part. If you seen that movie you know what I am talking about lol. If you haven't seen the movie and your a mom single or married, I recommend you see it :)
                 The movie delt with a mom who only has 3 kids, and is getting frustrated with life kids and the husband. The husband tells her to go get a night out and go have time for herself. As a mom of 4 I have to say I need to do that!!! As moms we do sooo much, especially single mothers. Now I have to address the other end of the spectrum where every weekend you talk "time for yourself" and go get drunk. It doesn't count if you have them at daycare, nanny, or even grandmas everyday of the week and your only time with them is on the weekend you go out and get "alone time". Your time needs to be spent with your kids. ok I think I got that out of the way lol not sure yet.
                 As mothers we spend our time looking after little ones and even big ones...not to mention a husband. I find that we don't do a good job taking care of others if ourselves are not taken care of. IN the movie the mom goes out...or at least tries to go out. On her adventure of going out with friends she tries to help out her sis in law and things just gets worse from there and then her friends end up in jail. Its so funny all the things that happen. But at the end she realizes that all she wanted to do was help everyone that she seemed to need her help. As moms we get in the mode of "fixer" or "helper" that when we see people we know or are related to that need help we automatically decide to help them even if they don't actually need our help. We tend to forget that no everyone needs our help and not everyone will accept our help.
                   In the end she is sad because her "me" time didn't turn out as she had planned. The husband told her something along the lines of that she is important and how she is very much needed. I don't remember all that was said but man I do know that it made me cry. I don't know if I am the only mom that feels like this but there are times where I do feel like what I am doing is not important, that I don't matter. I also feel like there are times where its never ending!!! like I just yelled at that kid to put that away like a bazillion times!!! I even get overwhelmed because I think like oh my goodness I have to do this all over again tomorrow!! After I saw that movie I felt in my heart that I am important and what I do does matter. I may not see the fruit of my labor right away. No I don't get paid in cash value for what I do. Also that I do need some time away just for me! Its so hard for me because i don't have the money for it or I don't have a friend just to accompany me. But I know its important to do it so I can fell refreshed and ready to tackle my everyday job.
                             I remember a telemarketer called me and asked what I did for a living and I said stay at home mom and he laughed and asked if we could exchange jobs. I laughed and said sure!!! and told him just so you know my job doesn't end at 5 or even start at 9, I don't get vacation time or even sick days and I don't get to clock out. He stopped laughing and said oh yeah I'll keep my job. I had to laugh and then yell at my kids lol. Soooo MOMS WE ARE IMPORTANT!!! Our kids are the future how are we raising them? what we do doesn't go unnoticed, sure we picked up that toy like 50 times but hey you know there will be a point where we will miss that little toy. If your a mom and you need a break please let me know I am sure we will find something to talk about lol So moms remember we are important no matter what!!! :)
 

Getting lost camping

So the week before labor day I went camping with my family, and people from church. I must say first of all is that I was never a camping person. My sis would invite me and my family every year and well I would say no and say I don't want to go pretend I am homeless. hahaha But yeah this year it came all together. My husband never asked to go or even pushed it on me we just went one day and looked at the camping gear, I knew it was coming up on that time and my sis was gonna ask as usual, so we were looking at tents and stuff. The tents all seemed to be pretty expensive to me so I was leaving the isle and I saw a tent for 80 bucks when I turned it around to look at the front to see how many people it fit, it was a 8 person tent! so of course we bought it lol. Then everything was coming together, the sleeping bags, the food and everything so we went! The kids were so excited they counted down the days till we left.
       So we left on a wed. the plan was to leave early in the morning but we didn't get everything packed in till around 9 hehe.

As you can see we were packed to the gills. hehe we also had stuff for my sis too. I have to say I am glad I was able to go with her, she knew what she was doing. In all honesty I wouldn't have gone without her because I would have no idea what i would be doing hehe. anyways we got there wed afternoon the weather was soooooo awesome!!! the guys unpacked while we got lunch ready. well we took some pictures and then got lunch ready hehe. I must say though I am so proud of my girls! they help dad put up the tent and even unpack the beast!! they did not complain at all about anything!!  It did sprinkle wed evening and so we paused unpacking and enjoyed the nice cool weather. plus I got to use the ponchos that I bought hehehe. So wed night the rest of the church people got there. It was pretty cold that night so of course we went and helped the families get their tent up and fire going. Both of our phones died up there so we had no way of telling the time just that if it was light or dark. lol but I guess there were some grumps out there that yelled at us to go to sleep.

        We got up Thursday and some people left a not on the bathrooms door saying how rude we were chopping wood late at night riding quads till 1 in the morning and singing songs all night. they also said they were gonna report us to the ranger. that quiet time is at 10. so of course I wouldn't be me if I didn't respond. So of course I was very polite about it. I didn't say any bad words or make fun of their momma, which I wanted to so bad I was so mad. but instead I put "If your not Native American you don't own the land Ps if you wanted quiet and privacy go get a hotel room PSS stop being old grumps" and I taped it back on the door for them to see. heheh of course after that everything was cool. lol but Thursday was pretty chill the husband got up early and the husbands went to Payson because of course we forgot some stuff so they went to go get what we were missing. Once they got back we walked to see the lake and catch crawfish. It was such a relaxed day!! We lost track of time and just went with the flow.

          Friday we got up early....again! All the husbands went hunting. when they came back we went back to the lake this time there were more people with us and we had a blast. I was almost tempted to get wet in the lake, instead I got in the little boat!! I was so surprised of myself I didn't sink it!! hahah

 so after we got back we packed up and left. :( I was soooo sad I didn't want to leave all my girls didn't wanna leave. They talked about how much fun they had and what they did. we stopped in Payson and got McDonalds to celebrate hehe. So leaving Payson we saw so much traffic trying to get into Payson!!! it went probably 8 miles outside the city!!!

So to end my blog I say this. I titled it lost because I felt lost there, in a good way!!! I didn't care what time it was. I didn't even have my phone on me at all. the kids played games on it till it died. I was able to let my kids walk to the other camps. we got to visit with the families that were there and bond. I know that I will never forget camping. when I got home I felt full of joy and happiness. I know that's hard to believe lol but I did. I felt like my cup was full of joy and love and happiness that it was over flowing. I was soo thankful to God that he made such beautiful things that we could enjoy and marvel at. yet he still had time to make a little brat like me! till this day my heart is full and I just don't know what to do with it but give it all back in thanks to God. without him non of this would be possible. So thanks God for allowing me to get lost in your beauty.



step parent or real parent

So most people know I am not only a mom but a step mom as well. My family is blended and when my husband started to date he told me straight up he had kids. Now 4 years married and 7 years together I have grown to love and bond with his children. In all honesty I can't imagine us without them. I say a little of my background so when I say what I want to say people know where I am coming from.
. I have been noticing that ladies get with men and even married, knowing they have kids from other women. So I don't know how to say this nice but I don't understand how they can be with a person knowing that their husband\wife has other children, and not encourage them to take care of or even go see their child\children. I make sure my husband has paid his child support every pay check, and he does it willingly the court or government has to force him pay for his children. I don't understand how are you not wanting your partner to be a father to his\her children. If they are not taking care of their kids with someone else what makes you think they will take care of kids with you? When it cones to Christian people not taking care of their children really blows my mind. Your in ministry being an example, people look up to you, but yet you can't pay child support or even go see your kids? How can a spouse stand by your side knowing that you are not taking care of your child? Oh and if your that person that discourages a relationship with the child just because of the "ex" you better be ashamed of yourself!!!! The child came before you and should come before you in your spouces life and if you don't like it then dont marry someone that already has children.
So as a parent\step parent I have to say it shouldn't make a difference. Love your spouces children like your own.God trusted you with that responsibility, not anyone else but you. And to Christians who dont take responsibility for their children I hope you don't sit in church like your perfect because I know God can deliver you from that dead beat syndrome,and you step up and provide for your children.

I see it now

I have to start a month ago. I have been praying to God to mold me and shape me into a woman of God that He can use. I also prayed to bring me a friend that can teach me and lead me in the right direction. I prayed that before and felt no difference and so I just gave up. The people that were brought into my life were sent out to reach other people, so I felt left there unfinished so to speak. A pastor came from Russia and preached and really touched my heart. I saw that I have become hardened to everything. I wasn't allowing myself to be venerable and allowing God to speak into my life. I repented and I started to pray and plead with all my heart for someone to come into my life to lead me and show me and speak to me. From then on I have a new friend I can say has helped me grow in God. I thank God for her everyday. She has spoke into my life and there was a point where I didn't want to hear it or anything. I wanted to quit but I felt like God say don't pray to be molded if you won't allow yourself to be molded. So I sucked it up and prayed for strength. Then our church conference came, and I have to be honest that I get really discouraged because it seems to always preach about getting sent out to preach. This time I made up my mind this year was gonna be different, and it was!!!! I was touched in more than one way!!!! The whole week was soo good!!!! First was about serving a God of second chances, as a Christian failure isn't an option. Because God is a forgiving father that no matter your past you will always have a future with God! Man the whole week just stirred my whole soul!! I saw it clear that I want to go out and let people know about my God!! I know as I settled in my heart that I will make a stand for God, my family and I, the devil is going to aim right for us. I know God will protect us and give us the strength we need. Serving him isn't in vain. Yesterday i made up my mind we are going street preaching even if its just me. My whole family went and they loved it!! I actually got to hear my husband testify. *that's a whole other blog* but i was brought to tears because I saw what God is doing in my family!! My girls loved it!!! They even wanted to preach!! I can say i see it now. How bland my life was when all i did was go to church on Sundays and Wednesday. I see what they mean when they say they always want to be at church.
now dont get me wrong in no way am I saying I am perfect or that I think I am better than anyone because that is not what I am saying. I am human I will make mistakes and knowing me I will probably say something that will offend or upset or even get some people very angry. Sometimes I'll be sorry and most times I won't. I am gonna try my best not to do that but being a Christian is all about growing making mistakes and being forgiven. And no I am not that person that is all fake, I just can't be like that ever lol. I am me 100% and I have God working in me to make me a better me :) so if I do something to upset you or anything feel free to let me know,after all that's how we grow and learn from our mistakes :) with God all things are possible!!!

seeing what we can't really see

so I just finished this book I was reading titled piercing the darkness. The author name us Frank Peretti. I have been told not to read it as well as i been told to read it that is very good. So I read it hehe hr has been one of my favorite christian book writer. Not that I read any others lol. So there are two parts to this book I think it piercing the darkness and then this present darkness. I must say both are really good. I recommend both of them. :) The books really put into light about the spiritual world going on that we don't know about. I say we because you dont have to be a christian to feel the spiritual but people out in the world feel it too. The book also tells a story about how satan wants to take control over a small town. There is a pastor that is one of the churches in the town and he is a bible reading, faith believing, on your knees praying type of pastor. One part that really stuck out to me was when one of the youngster got demon possessed and the pastor was praying for him and the demonic spirits that were holding on to him were lust, rape, witchcraft, addiction, and deception. As the pastor prays for him the demonic spirits speak through the boy. They say things like "we dont like you praying preacher" but the pastor takes dominion and casts the demons out. The books shows that there are angels as well and that they get their strength through the prayers of the saints. Towards the end of the book one of the high angels was fighting the big demon and he was loosing strength because the saints were not praying he called out to God to urge them to pray and as they did he was regaining his strength.
This book got me thinking, first of all there really is a spiritual battle going on that us as saints and non saints can't even begin to imagine. I think about those times, well one more recently when I made a stand to want to change and be a better Christian and I felt like I was getting attacked. Something was said and I knew it to be right. Logically I was in the wrong but emotionally I was trying so hard not to accept it. I kept saying I can't go back to my old me and react on my emotions. I can't pray for God to mold me and allow him to mold me. So as I sat in church I was boiling!! I had my claws out! I felt like I wanted to be angry and bitter and make excuses. I felt like closing off and not ever talking to that person or anyone at that. But I was fighting it so bad! Then I remembered the book how each demon has a name. So I prayed and prayed each and everyone of those unGodly feelings to go away. And it didn't go away right away. I had to pray all night!! Then I just said God I give it to you mold me and change me. After that I felt a sudden peace over me. The second thing I learned was that our prayers have power!!! If you have faith trust in God, He will answer your prayers. Me personally I have need and people I pray for that I have faith God will move. Not to mention that the sermon preached at church was on the power of prayer from a pastor from Russia no less lol so I took that and I believe with all my heart God hears my prayers and something is gonna start. I say that because I started to pray for all my Facebook friends and I know God is already moving things around just wait God is gonna move.
So I say all that to say this lol there is a spiritual battle going on for your soul believe it or not its happening. Ask yourself who do you want to have control over you. Also don't ever feel like your prayers are wimpy. I know I did at one time but God hears all prayers its your faith that he is looking for.

Is it really worth it?

So lately a lot of people that I know and close too are leaving the church. Every reason is different but none of them are justified at all.  I can understand both the reason to leave and the reason why you should stay. Me, personally, I stay because I need God in my life. I have tried to live my life without him and do things in my own and in all honesty I can not do it without Him. Sure the rules of the church suck and yes they only enforce it when it is convenient to them, but that is not the reason I go at all.  Some people need those rules because they don't know self control or they don't know how to do be responsible for their actions. Even they care to much of how high they get on the church ladder. In the end when you die or when the rapture comes, only you are in front of God. Not you and the rules of the church, not you and the pastor, or not even the excuses why you left church will help you. God looks at your heart. He looks at how you lived you life, what you did with what you learned at church. Not what rules you kept, or which pastor you were under. Trust me there are plenty of reasons why I don't want to be there. The way people look down on me because I don't go to every outreach or because I am not part of the "future pastors wife of America" Club. But you know I am not there for them. I have issues and the only way I can get better is by listening to Gods word and fixing what is in my heart. No amount of outreach or women's clean up is gonna change me only God's good word is. So I say to all those that need a "break" from church. ... cut your crap!!! God isn't taking a break from you!  He didn't leave you because of the rules you "broke" and He sees right through all those people that are fake in ministry. God wants you the way you are.  It is a battle every time I go to church because the devil tells me "no one wants you there" or "why go everyone there is fake" "why go all those people are all talking about you" "you don't need to be there no one is looking for you anyways". And every time I hear that I remeber all the crap God took me out of and continues to save me from. I know without God my life would be a whole lot worse. So I go. I am me 100% I don't need to be fake for anything or anyone. I am who I am at home at church and on Facebook.  So friends don't give in and leave the church because if what was done by man. Go to church because you know that without God your life, your marriage, your children will not survive this cruel world. Go back to Gods open arms he is waiting for you to come back as you are not as the church wants you to be.  No you don't have to go to a fellowship church go where you feel God, go where you will get fed by God's Word, go where you can worship God and be who you are. As for me I will continue to go to church and I will continue to be me, the person God made me. Oh and a whole lot of people may not like that and I could careless. I am not there for them or to become likw them I am there for God to become a better me in God.

A mother's letter

So lately I have been noticing a lot about men. No this bit a men bashing blog lol. But I did start to think like a mom and as a girlmyself and I started to think about what my girls are going to go through and I figured I would write then a letter.  When I was 18 and heart broken I wrote a letter to my oldest daughter, of course I threw it away a long time ago because it got really man bashing lol. But I do want my girls to know things about what life and men are going to put them through. Well not only my daughters but all daughters in general. So here is goes.

         Dear daughter of mine, 
                 I want you to know first and for most I will always love you and will always be there for you. I want you to feel free to come talk to me about anything, no matter what it may be I will there to help, be the shoulder to cry on, or even just an ear to let you vent to. As a girl there is so much we go through and as mother and daughter we can go through it together. I will take care of you as you grow. From your first day of school to your last. I don't want you to ever think you are alone, because your not. The world may tell you that your all alone that no one will understand what your going through but know that I do.  When your emotions start to go crazy know that I have been there and sometimes all it does take is some chocolate to make everything better.  There will start a time in your life where boys will start to like you more than just a friend.  In that I have advice, but first of all know that no guy will ever live you add much as your dad and I. I heard it in a movie once that the girl says "the only man a girl can depend on is her daddy" in our family that is true. Daddy will always be there to defend your honor no matter how old you get. Now there are going to be boys out there that will hurt you and make you cry. Don't worry we all go through it in our lives. Every single one of us. Now I may want to bust his face in, I know that your heart breaking will only make you stronger and ready for someone true that is ready to help you fix that heart of yours. A real man that will make you smile more than cry. Trust me he exists ;). One thing I learned is that you can never mend a broken heart by going back to the person that breaks it. So please daughter of mine don't go back. Also there will be men out there that all they know how to treat a lady is with violence and disrespect.  I don't ever want to see you hit or disrespected because I will go to jail :). There is no reason a man should put his hands on you at all. I have been there and I stayed because I always thought I deserved it. By Gods good grace we were taken out of that situation because I know we would be dead today.  There is absolutely no reason a man will need to put his hands on you in an angry or violent way.  Please daughter don't do it. Also don't settle for just anyone. Your future husband will do everything to sweep you off your feet and will not stop to do so. Also don't let men use you as a sex object. There are some men or there that only want 1 thing from you, but that needs to be saved for 1 man and that is your husband.  They will be sneaky, they will say all the right things and wine and dine you just to get in your pants. A real man will wait to put a ring on your finger before he even talks like that to you. I am saying this from the heat because I didn't wait and I love your dad so much I wish I did, but then I wouldn't have you so I am glad to have you.  Again please wait till your married, I don't ever want you to have to raise a child on your own. I have and it's hard. Now I know there are people that will tell you about divorce and cheating husband. But I want you to believe that you only get married once.  No matter what happens in life always know that I have raised you in a Godly manner. You may want to go your own path but know in God is where your path should be.  Believe in God and He will bring you a man that we respect you, love you and cherish you for the rest of your life. Now there will be times where you will think I am the worst mother in the world but I want you to know I do this to protect you. I have seen and done things in my life that I will recognize it in a heart beat and I will nip that in the bud.  I love you with all my heart and my only prayer is you grow up strong, not afraid to speak your mind, not easily manipulated, and to have a strong relationship with God.  Your salvation is going to be between you and God I can not live your Christianity for you. Also you can not live by my convictions but by your own. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise know that your relationship with God is between you and Him. Last, don't every be fake, or someone your not. Always be true to yourself.  God made you who you are and you don't need to be anything different. There will be plenty of fake people in the world but what makes this world a better place is the people that are true to themselves.  You are my daughter and add everyone knows I am not fake, I don't have to put a show for anyone, I don't sugar coat anything for anyone because the world isn't sugar coated. If I am lucky you'll be like me and much more.

                 Love always,
                      Your mom

Jealous or to much

      So Sunday night the pastor preached to the husbands. He hit a lot of good points on how a man is supposed to treat his wife. Also how to be a leader of the family and what path your gonna lead your family down also how to raise up a man. That none of it is not possible without God.
       The pastor talked about the husband being jealous. He said that there was a point to where it was overbearing. On the other end to not even care. So that got me thinking.  Is my husband the jealous type?  I have never heard my husband ask who I was talking to or who I am going out with or even tell me not to wear a certain thing.
        I talked with my husband when we got home and I asked him why doesn't he get jealous?  I feel like maybe I am not attractive to where he doesn't have to worry about other men wanting to talk to me or even look at me. So when I asked him his answer was simple he isn't the jealous type. He was in a previous marriage and he said he was never jealous then either. He says he just needs to be the best he can be and not worry. Most of all he just isn't the jealous type. I had asked him if I were to talk to other guys would that bother him and he said Nope, so then I asked what if I went to hang out with a guy friend would that bother him and again his response was no.
      I know there are ladies out here that if thier husband gave them that kind of freedom they would abuse it and they would cheat. I know in my heart I can't do that. I have a guy friend I grew up with that we talk and I tell my husband everything we talk about. My husband says I don't have to tell him but I feel guilty when I don't. I don't even delete the messages so my husband knows I am not lying. I know my husband doesn't get jealous and sometimes that bothers me.
         Sometimes a little bit of "Hey don't look at my wife like that" or " Hey watch it man that's my wife" kinda feels good every now and then.  To me it shows he actually cares about me. I may be weird and the only one that says that but it's true I don't know, maybe because I have low confidence I want something to boost my confidence.
      Now don't get me wrong there are guys of the that take jealous to a whole new level. They don't know when to quit. Now I don't want that I have had my share of bad abusive relationship and I don't need all that in my life. So for those that might say something about that type of jealousy, I am not talking about that extreme.
         Is there not a in between jealousy?  Between not being jealous and being way to overly jealous? If not then I will definitely take the not being jealous any day. I know my limits and I won't cross them, I will not take advantage of my husband. Some people say men and women can't be friends and I say if you can't control yourself and keep your boundaries then yes don't tempt yourself. I,  personally,  can control myself, and I know when to say no *not that I let it even get that far*. I respect my marriage and I won't take advantage of my husband. The moment he tells me to not talk to a guy I will do it that simple. *that was for those who always have something smart to say*
    So I would like a little jealousy just so I know he cares but not to much where it's cray cray jealousy. 
   
     

A mother's prayer

As mother's day passes I can not help but think of each and every one of my children. Yes I have 4 girls none was planned but it doesn't change the fact that I love each one of them.  I also have 2 step children that I have love for them we don't get to see them as much as we like but I know that is going to change very soon. So in total I have 6 children that I love and I see each one of then as an individual and they have thier individual needs.
The oldest of the 6 is my step son Jace. He is my husband son and you can tell. They look so much a like and he has his dad's intelligence. Every time we see him I notice he needs his dad as he grows, I know a boy needs his dad as he grows to support him, encourage him,  lead him, and teach him.  It breaks my heart that we do not get them add much as we like but when we are together I encourage communication with dad. I make sure he knows dad lives him,  thinks about him, and loves him with all his heart.
         Second oldest is faith.  She is my mini me. So emotional, so easily hurt, and so friendly.  I was only 17 when I got pregnant with her but I finished high school as a single mom. As I went to school I felt like I wasn't doing my best for my child. I knew that my life is no longer mine. She was my world, she loved me back without asking for anything. I wanted someone to love me so much that when I saw her I knew she was going to love me and I was gonna love her. Till this day she loves me, she is so brave, she is smart and caring. She already gets drama at school but she knows that God will get her through anything.  She knows that if she prays God is listening to her. She tells me every night ,after I pray for her, she beloved in God because He answered her prayers.
       Next is my step daughter Madison. She is 3 months younger than faith, isn't God awesome to plan that. Oh madi loves her sisters!  When I first met my step children I was so scared they would reject me and my girls, but they were both loving. Madi is so happy to have sisters. She writes to my girls and tells them everything. She finally had someone to go shopping with, someone to play with, someone that doesn't want to do boy games. I do notice she to needs her dad. She needs someone to tell her she means the world to him, to hold her, to tell her she is beautiful. I know once we are closer she will blossom because she will have her daddy with her.
          The 4th is annalisa, she is the one that came out of a horrible horrible horrible relationship and has the most loving heart, most beautiful look on life, and the most forgiving person.  She cares about everyone. She tells kids at get school about God and how much he loves them. She always wants to give money to the offering to children church for the missions. She is always asking to sing songs about God. Whenever she talks about talents she says God blessed me with. ... She saw the play this passed Saturday about the rapture and it convicted her. She was crying her eyes out because she didn't want to be left behind. Then after church we are getting home and she asks me if we are going with her in the rapture and says she is afraid that faith won't go with us. It broke my heart, here she is caring about her sister and not herself. She believes she is sinning because she didn't tell enough people about God. Or she wasn't kind or giving enough that day.  I have learned a lot from her she has encouraged me to go out for God.
     My last 2 are Gabby and Zoe. They are the babies of the family they see everything.  They are constantly asking for Madi and Jace, asking when will faith and anna get back from school. They walk around the house singing songs from children's church and they even play children church with my nephew ben. I know I have a lot to teach them. To show them how to grow as children of God. To follow the path God has for them.
     As a mother I look at my children, these kids look up to me, they watch everything I do or say. How am I gonna teach them, what path am I going to lead them down? Do give them the jacked up childhood or teen years that I had. A split up home, in and out of endless relationships?  No I have promised God these children will follow Gods path. These children will know Gods love. I have learned that children don't do as you say they do as you do. So therefore I will be an example to my children. I will show them when times get hard we turn and pray to God, when times are good we turn and pray to God. My prayer is for each and every one of my children ,Yes all 6, will grow in the Lord, they will go out and be the light in this ugly world. I pray that if God willing my children will go win the rez for God and many other people.  I love all my children I will never change any of them. So this past mother day, I feel so loved even if I had to yell and spank and run after my kids I wouldn't change it gor the world. When I was pregnant with my last baby *they are 10 months apart* I was so down a friend told me God doesn't give you what you can't handle. Till this day I know it to be true because these kids get to me and I feel like I cant do this ,but I know God is always there for me.

Women's trip

So I went on a trip with the ladies from my church. I have to put out there that I will be using names in here and yes it's a good way. So if you see your name or someone else's name and you decide to go tell them be sure to stick to the truth. ;)

So I was able to go with the women from the church to California to universal studios. I had loads of fun.  However when I first signed up so did my older sister and I felt comfortable knowing that I'll have someone to hang out with on the trip. Then things came up and she wasn't able to go and I kinda started to freak out. I couldn't back out because on one hand I really wanted to go. So then my friend shania says she was going so we can hang out so I felt a little better. Then my friend angela said I could hang with them. So I was feeling better then shania was about to start a job so she wasn't able to go, so I got really sad. I wanted to go so bad that I just told myself that even if I am alone I am gonna go and have fun. Last min shania said she was going to again I was happy. :)

The day of the trip I was a bit nervous but my friend angela invited me over to sleep over so I did. She has a friend Beth that I didn't know all to well, just saw her at pool meetings or sometimes at angelas house. But I went anyways and well by the end of the trip I am glad I got to know Beth. The drive there I rode with some older ladies and sarah and Beth so I figured the best way to not annoy anyone is to stay to myself so that was what I decided to do. Sarah had other plans lol.  I am extremely grateful God put sarah in my van or put me in Sarah van hehe.  We talked and laughed, which opened doors to talk to other ladies, needless to say I didn't stay to myself and I didn't annoy anyone hehe. 
I roomed with beth angela and another girl amber and I got to listen to them talk and I felt like I wasnt the only one going through things, or I wasnt going crazy. Hehe. The day of the park I hung out with a group and it included 2 pregnant ladies my sis and sarah. I am glad my sis was in my group I always feel better when I have my sisters with me, no matter which sister it is ;) the rest of the ladies in the group I thought didn't like me or we weren't in the same clique, so I stayed by shania and sarah. By the end of the day I got to talk to all the ladies and they were really friendly.  I still think we are not in the same clique but I do know is that I had a chance to talk with them and I can say they are friendly. 

On the drive home I was tired. I figured so was everyone else so there wouldn't be much talking. I was wrong about that too hehe.  I did catch some zzzz but I got to talk to a lady I never met name dion. I have only seen her in church but never even got to talk to her. Honestly talking to her really put my feet back on the ground.  See what people don't know is that I was really thinking about leaving the church. I was being attacked by the devil and he was using church people. I was on the verge of leaving. I had prayed and prayed and prayed for a friend that would encourage me to get involved and not to give up on me. I felt alone and to top it all off this lady at church was really doing a good job at making me feel alone. So after I spoke with ms dion and sarah I went home and prayed because God sent me good friends like sarah angela amanda mallory and many many more that I was too busy feeling alone that I didn't realize I am blessed.

I am home and happy with my friends and greatful to God for bringing them in my life. I found out that the particular person is still trying to bring me down and make me look bad to others but it doesn't bother me anymore because I know for a fact that when God removes one person out of your life it's to make room for better people.  So I am grateful I went on this trip and I plan on continuing to build the friendship I have made. I also would like to continue going on the next trip ;) 3 days was a good break from my kids and I love them more than ever.

Fat

So lately I have been teased about my weight. Yes I am fat, yes I have a fat belly, and yes I have a double chin. So before I start I have to put out there that I am happy with the way I look and my weight!!!
When I was a teenager I only weighed 90lbs I got prego and at the end of the pregnancy I weighed 100lbs. With my 3 pregnancy I didn't care about what I weighed I ate what I wanted. By the end of my 3rd pregnancy I was almost 200lbs! I was 185!  Then I got pregnant again and no I did not plan it at all. Trust me I don't wish back to back babies on anyone. Anyways I was on birth control that didn't let loosing weight a easy task. I got my tubes tied and got of birth control and now I don't see the need to want to loose weight right away.

I can still walk and my husband can pick me up, so I am not that fat. People think it's Ok to comment on my weight or what I eat or drink and I take it because well I don't mind at all. I am not going to watch what I eat or eat rabbit food and stop drinking soda because people have a problem with all that I have.  I am not going be at a place and wish I could eat this and wish that I could have that. I am going to eat it and drink that and get the double scoop. To be honest I think to skinny is ugly because where is your padding?

I notice that when there is a couple and the lady starts losing weight, to much weight, the marriage starts to fall apart because that person is so focused on what they look like and going to the gym rather than spending time with family. I don'tneed to look good for other people or get attention from others by showing that I work out or even show off my body.  If I plan to loose weight I want to do it with my husband. Plus I don't think going back to high school weight is the right thing to do. Let's let the past be in the past. Let's let high school stay in high school we are grown now.

So with all that said let me put it out there words do hurt at the end of the day. I am happy as can be with all my extra padding and I am not going to look at food and say oh man I wish I could eat the, I am going to eat it!  You do only live once ;) now don't get me wrong I have skinny friends and skinny fits them and I am happy for them.  :) back in the day size 16 was considered beautiful and sexy. So as long as my husband and my kids think good of me then that's all that matters. Ok so people say about deseas that are associated with being considered fat and I will let you know I don't accept any of that!  I serve a mighty God and He will protect me from all illness that people will try to put on me.  :) I am fat and I am beautiful!

Mexico

 So most of you don't know it but last week I went to Mexico all by myself. hehe yes I drove the whole way too. :) oh yes I am cool like that and I have the most awesome husband that allows me to do thinks like that ;) The reason I went is because my best friend lives there with her husband and her family. She had to come and take care of business for a bit and no one was able to bring her here or pick her up, so being the best friend that I am I went to go pick her up.

Here is a picture of her and I with her kids eating before we left for the drive back :)

      So before I went, no one wanted to go with me because they had work, school, or kids. A lot of people were worried that I would disappear once I crossed the boarder. So that got me a little bit worried, but my friend met me at the boarder and we drove to her house together. I had planned to leave about 5 in the morning but I ended up leaving about 6 hehe. PS>> If you are planning on going to rocky point chandler is the fastest way to go it cuts down an hour and half <<< On my way out of queen creek I heard on the radio that on 43 and Bethany in phx that there was a shooting and all of Bethany was closed the light rail was effected and so was the freeway. I left and went to pick up my friend. I wanted to go to the beach but I don't know the time for the perfect tide so i couldn't get it boooo. hehe We made sure that her children were all safe and everything was OK , and we left about 1 in the afternoon.

        As we headed back to the boarder my tire blew! I was trying to pass someone and as soon as I passed that person, that is when my tire blew. I didn't even have a chance to get out of my van before a truck pulled up and a kid asked what happened (of course it is all in Spanish) *my Spanish is not that good lol* I told the guy that my tire blew. I didn't know if we has a spare or the tools to change the tire. On top of all of that I had no service to call my husband and my friend ran out of minutes to make a call anyways. I did find the jack and those kids jacked up the van and then we didn't know how to bring down the spare!! We didn't have any tools so I was kind of panicking hehe. Then this dump truck pulled up and it seemed like the guys knew each other, and they had the tool needed to bring down the tire, then they left. Next thing I knew the tire was fixed and those guys were gone. I didn't have time to offer them anything. oooh and when the tire blew it blew my gas tub pinch shut hehe if that makes any sense. so I only had 1/4 of a tank and I was planning of getting gas once we were state side. So I was kind of worried how we were going to get back. When we got to sonoyita (boarder city) we stopped at a llantera (tireshop) and asked the guy if he could help fix it and how much he would charge (sometimes people take advantage of Americans and charge them a lot for everything) The tire guy opened my gas tub and stuck it back in place NO CHARGE!!! he said whatever we could give him!! God was really watching over us. We made it back home safe and happy. 

This is my tire once we got it changed. 

double standards

           So in Arizona, the governor veto a bill that would give business owners freedom of refusing services to people based on the owners religion preference. Now I don't know much about the bill, I have heard it was written poorly. I also heard that it was written because a business owner got sued for all they got because they refused to do business for a homosexual couple. Now I have to get this out I don't hate homosexual people, I won't bash on them or anything like that. I have friends that are homosexuals and I know as a christian people find that hard to believe. I know that only through God only people can change, so I leave that persons' sin in Gods hands, I am not the one to judge or to condemn them to hell. So with that said I will go on with my blog :).
        I don't understand why so many people are against that bill. The way I see it is that, there have been so many laws passed to give homosexuals equal rights just like everyone else. Why not give christian or other religions the same respect and opportunity.  People are afraid to discriminate the homosexuals because of the back lash or the harassment they might receive, but what about the straight people getting discriminated because they are not homosexual, what about the straight people being bashed as homophobic because that's not what they believe in. We have rights as well and who is protecting our rights and who is standing up for us. If a person says they don't agree with homosexuals they are labeled a bad person or a homophobic or much more and much worse. I feel like the governor did not protect every ones rights by vetoing that bill. I feel like she did it because she wanted the popular vote. I did not listen to what she had to say because its all excuses and blah blah blah. I don't see why people find it hard to stand up for what they believe in. We cant be wishy washy and abandon our beliefs just because we are afraid of what society is going to label us. So here I am standing up for what I believe. I believe business owners have the right to refuse service to anyone based on what they believe, that was a right that was given to us by our founding fathers.
       Now I was talking to my husband and we got on the subject about getting a job, and I remember a friend telling me that she wouldn't get hired unless she took out the pink out of her hair. So that got me thinking that what if I don't get hired because my hair is a certain color. OK ok ok my hair won't always be pink, but I know it won't always be my natural color hehe :). But I was thinking if I don't get a particular job because of my hair, I think that would be discrimination. I wonder if I was a homosexual and my hair was a certain color would they still refuse the job to me? Would I be discriminated against because I am straight? Then what is gonna happen when the straight people are being discriminated against because they are not homosexual. So I guess the laws now are double standard because it will only matter if your homosexual but not if your straight or Christian? I am assuming when the founding fathers founded our nation they didn't think that people would be questioning every little sentence, every little law that was made. I know one thing for sure is that if this double standard is gonna keep happening I will be for sure that I will stand up for my rights and my sexuality as well as my Christianity.

Loyalty

You know what I have been noticing is that people are loosing the meaning of that word. People are so fast to turn in each other.  Loyalty is a part of life, at least to me it is very important. What I don't understand is how easy people are so quick to abandon others.

      Well let's start with friends. I see a lot of friends so quick to turn their back on their friends. Starting rumors, talking behind their backs, telling the secrets, or going around to others instead of going to that person. I don't understand how hard is it to be a loyal friend? To be honest and straight forward with each other. I don't understand staying rumors about people. Be happy with who you are and what you have. If you are a true friend you will be happy for your friend no matter what!  Even if you think they don't deserve it you still stand by your friend and support them no matter what. Don't go around telling people what you need to tell your friend.  One thing that gets me is when I find or through other people what my friend said about me. Grow Up and talk to me like an adult it shows respect. I respect you enough to let you what I think to tell you to your face have the same respect for me.

        Another place I see where loyalty is failing is in families. You are family!!! What I know is that if there is something I need to tell me family I tell them, I don't need anyone else saying anything.  Plus what I tell my family from my heart, I expect to be kept inside the family. I don't wanna hear that my family went to tell someone what I said about them in confidence, or in asking advice.  Again if I have something to say I go tell thay person, but I ask my family because I value what they have to say.  So when I see other family betraying each other and not talking, they lost loyalty to each other. So stay with family because friends come and go but family is forever they may be weird, crazy,lost, drunk, bad choices, or all of the above. You love and be loyal.
If you don't know how to be loyal you won't know loyalty when it's in your life.          
           Loyalty is important, backstabbing and rumor starting, and gossiping is not right. It doesn't make life easier, it makes life more drama and more stress and less full of love. Love each other be loyal to each other so you can have people loyal back to you. It make life better. :) I am loyal all the time I am honest all the time and I won't change. one thing people will not have to question about me is my loyalty and my honesty. I am a good friend to the end but you betray me and you lost my friendship and my trust. Sure I'll forgive you but my trust in you and my loyalty to you is and will no longer be there, yes I can rebuild it but it will be hard. So don't backstab me because you will loose a great friend, I can promise you that! 

Situations

So this post has been on my mind a lot but I didn't want to post it because everyone I know has a situation they are going through. I don't want anyone to think that I am writing this about them. I am not and this is from what I have seen in my life.  So here it goes...
      These have been times where I observed people in situations and I have tried to give advice because I been down that road. Then of course they get mad and don't talk to me for a long time. Then when I get back in contact with them, they are in the same situation only is gotten worse. I have been in many situations over and over and over and the only way I broke that cycle was when I learned from it and grew up and moved forward.  I sees that people don't learn from it. They keep making the same decisions that end them back up in the same situation. Then they ask why does this keep happening to me, or they blame others for that. I say in my head that I been trying to tell you to grow from in and learn not to make that choice because your going to end up back where you started or don't go back with that person because your going to end up back in the same spot. Then sometimes I can't help but think that they like that kind of pain or drama because they keep going back. They don't listen to anyone who tries to help them. I just don't understand.
      But I do know a solution, his name is Jesus christ.  I think the only way I git out of my situation was because God helped me. I had family praying for me and I listened to the advice they had for me. Yes it was hard and sometimes I didnt think I had the strength to do. Yes I didn't want to leave that place or person that was getting me into that situation. For the sake of my kids and myself I left. I believe that God was there 100 percent.  So I see people and their situations and I now can't help but think only God can help them and I am that instrument used to bring them to God. Its up to you ro them to make that choice to accept His help and get out of the situation and come into Gods blessing and what he has for you.  Yes its not going to be perfect but I do know its a lot easier because He is there for me and I am not doing it alone.  He strengths me when I feel like I can't go on. Trust me it does get better all God asks of you is to let him in your heart.
     

Tell it like it is

So there is one thing I can't seem to understand about people these days. I was brought up to take responsibility for the things we do or to own up to what we did. I know I am not the only one that was taught that growing up, so what I don't get is when it comes to the things we say people don't own up to it or think they have to lie about what they say?  I can say from my personal experience that that was the hardest issue I dealt with. I used to lie all the time, but once I got saved and became a mom I saw my words have an effect. That's when I chose with the help of God I started to watch what I say and own up to what I say. I have lost many friends because of that. On the flip side of that I ask people if is true if they did say that and they boldly life to my face!  I am trying not to start fights or cause problems but the way I look at it is how do I know I did something wrong if you won't tell me.  I want to correct myself and become a better person but how do I do that if no one tells me what I did wrong?
         Now I have learned that there is a way to go about asking or even telling someone something. Yes there is a lot of people in this world that can't handle being told anything and to be honest I avoid those people, because they are not willing to learn and grow. There have been many times where I have been told my tone was very rude or even disrespectful, what those people don't know is I am not saying what is really on my mind. That was a side note. Hehe but I think as humans and Christian people we should learn to grow. If someone said something that bothers us we should go and talk about it, learn from it,  and move on. If we see people going down a path that only leads to destruction and we can help them let's use our word and help. If we are that person that is going down that path let's be open to direction. Let's view things from other point of view. I always ask why did they. ... what caused that. ... what can I learn. If we did this there would be a lot less division in the church as well as gossip in the church.  We are there to help each other grow in the Lord, not think that just because we are further along in our walk with God than others we are better than them. God's uses everyone.