Dedicated to my mom

Well this goes out to my mom ;). Well she has been staying with me for a while and i didn't mind (which is surprising ) hehe but she recently moved out and well now i feel like something is missing. I have to admit i wasn't the best daughter. We fought a lot growing up and as an adult i can't figure out why. Hehe. As a mother I look back and see what I put my mother through, I get scared because i have 4 daughters and one of them is bound to give me trouble. I am not proud of the fact that I put my mom through a lot,  no I didn't do drugs or drink or even got arrested. I got pregnant at a very young age.  I think getting into drugs or alcohol would have been easier to deal with than a teen pregnancy (which i try to hide). I brought into the world a child when I was just a child.  Yes I know i disappointed my mother but we made did and moved on. One thing I have to thank her for was that she did not once let me leave my kid with her as I went out with friends.  She taught me that my baby was my life, I was no longer a child and I have to live my life for my child and not for myself.  I only hope as I grow and raise my children I can become a song woman like her. She raised me on her own. Yes my dad became a dead beat dad (that's a different blog ). She remarried and list her husband. I have never seen my mother so happy when she was with mr. Larry.  But through all of that she stayed strong was pillar when I needed her. She didn't tell me to leave her alone or tell me to handle my own problems. She was there paying for me and telling me what i needed to hear, not sugar coating anything. For that I thank her!  As an adult, and a mother I know I owe my mom my life so I help her every way I can and not expect anything in return. I would hate myself if anything are to happen to my mom and I was able to do something to help or something. I hear people talk bad about their parents and I don't understand why. Now don't get me wrong there are a lot a lot a lot of bad moms out there and yes there I think there is a special place in hell for those moms who miss treat their kids or all of the above.  Good had entrusted us with his creation to not take care of them and live them as he lived us is just not right.  So mom Thank you for every fight we have had and every time you stood between me and what I wanted to do. I am the person I am partly because you showed me with your words and actions how to grow up and be the mom I am today. Thank you God for her and continue to keep her in your arms.  I love you mom and I will be there whenever you need me.

Father's

I have to say first that this may get really personal and this is from my life. I am sorry if it gets to real for anyone ( if anyone is reading). So I will start from the beginning,  my two oldest kids are not my husband and they don't share a dad.  I never received a dime in child support or anything from either dads. One of my daughter is 8 years old and never once have i got anything from him. Until recently like this year he got ahold of me and asked if he could write her. As the momma bear came out I wanted to yell at him and say no and tell him off for his sucky parenting skills. *when she was born he was into drugs and i told him to choose if he was Gonna clean up and be a dad if not leave. So he walked out that door. He would come back high ever note and then and we would fight and beat each other up. Sometimes even woke up to a gun in my face. The night the cops actually responded to my call they wanted to take me in. They didn't know he was high and tried to kill my daughter (she was only 4 months) the only reason they didn't was because I was breast feeding her. That night I realized this is not the environment i wanted to raise my kids in as well as I didn't want this life for myself anymore. So I pack us up and never looked back. *  So when he asked if he could contact her I wanted to say no more like a HELL NO!!! But as I thought more I realized that wasn't my choice to make. So I say her down and talked with her (hardest conversation ever!!) The most amazing part wad that she forgives him and was open to getting to know him!  She did ask why we broke up. I told her he would hurt me and I didn't like that so I left. She was upset but i think honesty is the best right now. I also explained to her about our daddy (my husband) still here for her no matter what and he will still love you no matter what. She said that he will be her dad no matter what!  (Broke my heart) so she wrote him back and he did not for like a good 4 months and she waited and waited and waited.  She finally got a letter from him today. She was really happy.  Ugh i was pissed. I contacted him and told him she's isn't some rag doll he can pick up whenever he feels like it and that he needs to step up and pay for her like a real dad. All he gave me was excuses!! Ugh i should have known!  I mean he thinks it's ok but it is not! I mean when do you realize your kid is the most important thing in life!  I have to put out there that my husband raised her! He took care of her through the good and the bad!  And this sperm donor wants to come in and start a relationship with her! Ugh it irritates me but what can i do but make sure she knows she is loved. I did let him know that he breaks her heart i will make sure he is never found again.  This momma bear means business. God trusted me with my kids and I am doing my best to keep them safe and away from the heart ache i been through.

Drinking????

So I went to pick up my husband yesterday from work and in the food city parking lot was the dui task mobile set up. There was a lot of cops out in my area which is a surprise cuz they are never in my area. Hehe. But it got me thinking about drinking. I just don't see the point in all that at all. I have to put out there that I used to drink and that I could hold my tequila too.  However I stopped when I met my husband. As I look back I can't find the fun in drinking.  I still ended up at home and had to go back to being a mom. I never got black out drunk which is good but I do know that the very next day my life had to go on. I do remeber once I went to work still drunk and come to find out I wasn't the only one!! It kinda sucked cuz I couldn't do my job right and couldn't focus.  Life continued right where I was before I started to drink. So when I hear or see people drinking their "problems" away I can't help but think thats pointless cuz they will still be there when the alcohol wears off. Also when I see people drinking with friends I can't help but think are your friends gonna be there for you when your sober or broke?  You know no one will be there when you get locked up for the stupidity you have done while drinking. Then there are parents who go drinking and thats all their lives are about and not about their kids. Then they spend one half sober and half drunk day with their kid and think they are the parent of the year and deserve an award!!!! So I chose not to drink anymore because I don't see the point in it at all! I still gonna come home to my kids and husband (which is good cuz sleeping around is a total different blog). So why waste my money when i can spend it with my kids or on me hehe. If you drink and think I am over reacting please tell me. I may not change my mind but I am open to good reasoning ;)

Getting back to me ;)

So I had my procedure done and I am on day 2 of healing.  I am not made out for the whole sitting around and doing nothing bid hehe. I am still in a little pain but it is bare able. The whole experience was not fun lol. I guess it has to do with the doctor. ... I don't even remeber her name.  She was almost an hour late and totally forgot about me!  To make matters worse she wrote a prescription and didn't even put how many pills or how much the dose!!! So good thing I don't remeber get name or I would be spreading the word about her!  Oh wait i already am lol.  But yeah now that i am home my husband had been taking care of me and I love it. I guess I am that person that likes things done my way. I am trying to fight that and let him do things and take charge ;). One thing I do know is my kids are getting away with a whole lot more with him in charge than me lol. It drives me nuts and I have to tell him to spank her don't let her get away with that but of course he doesn't.  But I love him and have to give him a chance cuz what man would step up and let his wife rest and take a break. ... I know of none!  I do have to say I am grateful for my friends and family who have prayed for me as well as helped me out.  I am super greatful ;)  let's hope I am back to myself tomorrow and get this ship back into control ;)

Getting it done

Well as i sit here and relax with my family eating watermelon. ... I think about tomorrow and what's gonna happen.  I am getting my tubes tied Tomorrow I am looking forward to not having any more kids and to finish raising my kids. On the other hand I have never had any surgery before in my life or i have never been put under before. ... ever!  So I am kinda getting nervous but it's too late to cancel now. I have heard both good and bad about getting it done as well as being told not to do it. ... what a lot of people don't know is that I got pregnant on the depo shot. So I am that one percent. ... I don't life to be that 1 % so both my husband and I are getting done. I have a friend who her husband got done and a year later she still got pregnant.  :0 hehe so I am not gonna take any chances hehe.  One the other end I have friends that are telling me that i am going to end up pregnant before i get the procedure done. ... to them I try and stay away so they can't wipe their baby germs on me hehehe.  I did want a big family and have a lot of kids but raising two babies *10 months apart* is what made me change my mind. ..as well as having one income is tough too. My youngest is a terror hehe and I say that with love. She climbs on everything and isn't afraid to do anything.  I say my oldest of the two is the brains and the little one is the muscle hehehe.  I have the rest of my patience to raise her but to start all over again I am not sure if I can. Sooo I am going through with it tomorrow and not gonna change my mind later. I am almost 30 and 30 was my cut off date anyways.  I can't eat nothing in the morning so I am gonna be starving!!!!! I will post what I been through so stay close lol good night and keep me in your prayers. ;)

my thoughts

Hello! So yesterday i went to my friend bridal shower it was through my church so it was fun and clean ;) I made the cake which was a corset cake. It came out really good and everyone liked it. She got a lot of dishes and cooking stuff.... my sister and i got her some cute little underwear and cute little nighty but that was it!  I don't know if I didn't get the memo not to bring that stuff. But i hope she wears them ;)
But my Monday was fun i got to spend it watching my nephews and my tio and tia came to visit :) i love my tio and tia with all my heart i hardly get to see them because they live far from me but I do try to go visit them. Anywho I had fun with them visiting and my nephews always love to come over and watch movies.  Whenever I buy movies i keep them in mind. ..i know that sound dumb but hey i gotta stay hip with new movies as well as the Tía that has cool movies hehe. We got rain yesterday and it was awesome!  I live in a desert so we hardly get rain. Well i have another eventful day today so i hope i am not to tired to write about it tonight ;)

9-8-13

My name is Rebekah and I am a mother and a wife. This is my first time blogging and i am not sure what to put hehe.  I am doing this from my mobile so again this is new hehe. So a little about me is I have 4 kids of my own as well as 2 step children. I love to do crafts sew make candles and bake cakes hehe.  I have a full week ahead of me, well when do i not have a full week ;) my kids keep me busy and i do cakes for people so that keeps me busy too. I just got involved in my church haunted house so i am excited about that. Yes i am a Christian i am also human. I don't claim to be perfect and i can't judge no one because I am not God. I do give advice or let ya know what your doing is wrong and it will lead you to hell. Also I am very very very very opinionated I say what i wanna say it to whoever needs to hear it. I do it with a hint of respect as well. This generation is so emotional so what i say seem to offend people. But I think that people needs to hear things (myself included) but other people are too afraid to say it. ... well i am not that person.  ;)  So here is the warning right now. .... I may say something that offends you if i do keep it to yourself I'll forget or just not care. No i am not mean. ... well yes it sounds mean but if i say something that is offensive it's not gonna run my day or my life i will keep going so yeah keep it to yourself ;) well enough about that ummm to conclude I am excited to start blogging and post things as well as pictures of crafts I do or any mischief my kids get me into hehe. So if anyone is reading or following Please feel free to comment or enjoy ;) good night ;)