Seek encouragement

Why is it when someone feels down or sad or just beat up by life they don't go ask for help or encouragement?  I know why I personally don't because I get shy or scared people will not understand what I am going through.  I am learning tho that when I do decide to open up and say something someone comes up to me and says "I feel the same way" or "I know exactly what you mean" or "u am going through the exact same thing" then after that I feel better that I said something. So here I am saying something.
     So my husband started a second job he works from 7 am to 1 am the next morning. It's been really hard for me. I don't know about everyone else but I have grown used to my husband being around. He became my best friend, my companion, my partner. So I for used to him being with me a lot. I am hurting right now. With these late night of staying up waiting for him my mind starts to go places I try and pray to keep away from but hey I am a woman, we crazy! !😉 so I start to feel really lonely and sad. I start to think he must be talking to other women because he doesn't seem to be as lonely as I feel. Someone else must be filling in my spot. And then when he misses events we would do as a family with my girls school or church really gets to me. 😖😭 I just wanna cry and give in to my emotions. The only thing that is keeping me from breaking down is I won't be able to stop and I don't want my girls to see me like that.
     I don't know how women who have husband's who are in the military do it. I give you ladies gold stars!!! 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 also to the ladies who have husband's who work in other states too. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 I do understand now how women go cheat on their husbands while they are away. Being lonely is hard very hard especially when you have children to because you have to explain over and over and over and over where daddy is and why he isn't there. Just remember that he is doing this for the family. His efforts are not in vain. Those of us that stay strong and hold the house down show them that we appreciate everything they do for us. To those that went out and cheat well there is always a woman out there that will appreciate what you took for granted.
  OK ok ok back to my point. I say all my feelings because I need a friend that will encouraging my and just listen to me to just be there so I can cry and not make it seem like I am over reacting. But how do I all my friends that this is what I need without sounding needy lol. I'd that made sense lol. Me personally tell people don't be shy or embarrassed to ask me I don't mind being there while you have a melt down I won't judge. So I think do I have that kind of friend? Can I just say I am on the verge of a melt down can you help me. And what will they think of me if I walk up and say that?  And at some point do I have to ask? Don't they know being without a husband is hard and figure I am going through it and just come up and comfort me and encourage me without having to ask?  Who knows but I know once I find someone to have my melt down with I will look at my friends and find out who can I help.      
              Let's take a look at or friends and other around us, those are who is going through it but don't know how to or won't ask for encouragement. Let's see what we can do to help them and get them through this melt down. Like I said I am going to go help my friends but first I have to help myself. So my prayer is to open hearts that we as ladies, mothers, women of God go and help those who just need a person to sit as they cry it out. That our hearts will want to help others that we won't be able to sleep till we go and just let them know look I ain't leaving till you have your melt down lol
              Have a good night 😎

I don't need to do it to get other's approval

So as many of you know I have started to work out with my sis. I go to planet fitness because i dont need to be judged or checked out as I work out lol. No I don't wear any cute work out clothes or have my hair in a cute ponytail. I wear whatever I can sweat in comfortably lol. We do what we can and have a good time. We don't need to go work out where all the guys are actually we avoid that area lol. We finally found a good time to go when there isn't a lot of people hehe.
        I do notice that when I tell people I started to work out they think I do it to see fast results but I don't. I don't wanna meal plan at all to me it's so blan to eat the same thing over and over again. I enjoy my eating habits and well it hasn't killed me yet and I am almost 30 but mentally I feel 50 lol.I do know once iI start to eat healthy I will get sick its a fact. Any who back to "seeing results" right away justiisn't for me. I have noticed that people go work out and want a good body to show it off or the get other people's approval and to be honest more power to them. If I think a girl looks good and works out and meal plans for her body I compliment her because she looks good and she worked hard to look good.However I have notices that the song says baby got back and all they girls dancing in music video are not skinny they all have junk in the trunk. The only person I need approval from loves all my curves and battle scars from having his kids ;). I also see girls posting pictures of themselves half naked as a married woman I don't approve if you work out to have a good body the only person that should see your half naked pictures is your husband. Now if your single show it girl but have some self respect and keep some to the imagination we don'twanna know the change you have in your back pocket lol. Same goes with guys if you have to post a picture with your shirt off keep it to your wife ;) On the other hand before I get bombed on lol showing your progress is fine. One picture once a month or even twice but everyday and in your underwear is no no. Yes I am guiltyof taking a selfie at the gym with my sis -I love to take pictures and we ain't half naked in them so ha lol.
          Yes we should all encourage each other those of that work out or even change eating habits because that's a big step in life. Its a hard choice all together and it gets hard and not everyone has a support system so if we could encourage one another and tell them to keep going more and more people will start to reach their goals and not give up. Not everyone can just jump in it and give everything up and become healthy over night {me being one of them lol} so don't get mad because someone works out slower than others and don't wanna see results right away encourage them to not give up. As for me you can count on me to encourage you and to be in your corner to "cheer" you on. :)

Things get complicated sometimes

          Well, as most of you know my family is a blended family. We have family in New Mexico and we try as much as we can to go see them, but it isn't a lot. So every time we do things as a family here I feel like I am not whole, I miss my step children. Yes they are not mine and there are a lot of step moms out there that could care less if the step children are involved or not. That's not me. Our kids bonded so well and accepted one another like they are blood brother and sisters that it really hurts my heart to only talk to them over the phone and to hear how much they miss each other and especially how much they miss their dad.
          So I have been wanting to talk to my pastor about why do I feel like this and if it is Gods will that we move or stay. What is Gods will for our family? Pastor preaches that boys need to be raised by their dads, and that the spirit of rejection is big in a divorced family. So when I hear that my heart breaks because I don't want that for any kids mine or not. I am a product of divorce and I know the spirit of rejection first hand. I know what kids go through when the dad leaves the home, I know how lonely it gets missing your dad and wanting to be with him. which makes my heart break even more. So I pray God show me what we need to do and if it is your will that we stay here please take these feelings out of my heart. Don't let me feel so broken and guilty and bad that those children don't have their dad. Don't let me feel like its my fault that we only see them when we have enough money. Well, that has been my prayer for weeks now, I have cried about it and fasted over this situation. Last night I went and talked to my pastor to see if maybe God have him the answer and need me to seek it from my leader. However he told me it is a tough question/decision to keep praying about it.
          My husband and I have talked about it and with heavy hearts we have decided to move closer to the children. So yes that means we are moving to New Mexico. We are currently looking at houses and well, my husband has thrown a couple of other city names out there besides Albuquerque. He is looking at Durango Colorado and Farmington. Yes it is scary to relocate my whole family to place where I don't know anyone. But I know in the end it will come out right. I know a lot of people are not going to be happy about this news. I ask please help us pray God opens doors for us, that we go where God wants us to be. Where we can continue to grow in him as well as where we can be the most help at also.
          Now please no negative prayers please because as of now I am praying that God send them right back where they came from. I know God will show us what we need to do and will open doors as long as we have faith and believe in Him.  I will miss my family and friends but if they truly love me they will pray that God will put us where we will be safe and well taken care of.  So I write this because this issue has been keeping me up at night has been tugging at my heart and I feel like this is very important. I want to say that I believe God and He will move and open doors and all of you will witness the awesome power that God can do.

We are important!!

                I am sooo sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I have been wanting to blog about this subject for a while, I even came to the library to so I can blog and let the kids get Internet time too, but then I forgot what I was going to blog about lol. So here I am back the library and this time I remembered what I wanted to blog about :)
                So this may be sad but the last movie I saw was "moms night out" I have to say I wasn't really interested in it to begin with. Then I heard about it on the radio over and over and over. I probably seen the previews and said oh my goodness I have to see this movie. However.....I don't remember. lol I watched that movie with my husband and girls. They didn't get to finish it because of bed time hehe. I must say I totally felt like I could relate to that movie!! They did a good job picking a good actress for the part. If you seen that movie you know what I am talking about lol. If you haven't seen the movie and your a mom single or married, I recommend you see it :)
                 The movie delt with a mom who only has 3 kids, and is getting frustrated with life kids and the husband. The husband tells her to go get a night out and go have time for herself. As a mom of 4 I have to say I need to do that!!! As moms we do sooo much, especially single mothers. Now I have to address the other end of the spectrum where every weekend you talk "time for yourself" and go get drunk. It doesn't count if you have them at daycare, nanny, or even grandmas everyday of the week and your only time with them is on the weekend you go out and get "alone time". Your time needs to be spent with your kids. ok I think I got that out of the way lol not sure yet.
                 As mothers we spend our time looking after little ones and even big ones...not to mention a husband. I find that we don't do a good job taking care of others if ourselves are not taken care of. IN the movie the mom goes out...or at least tries to go out. On her adventure of going out with friends she tries to help out her sis in law and things just gets worse from there and then her friends end up in jail. Its so funny all the things that happen. But at the end she realizes that all she wanted to do was help everyone that she seemed to need her help. As moms we get in the mode of "fixer" or "helper" that when we see people we know or are related to that need help we automatically decide to help them even if they don't actually need our help. We tend to forget that no everyone needs our help and not everyone will accept our help.
                   In the end she is sad because her "me" time didn't turn out as she had planned. The husband told her something along the lines of that she is important and how she is very much needed. I don't remember all that was said but man I do know that it made me cry. I don't know if I am the only mom that feels like this but there are times where I do feel like what I am doing is not important, that I don't matter. I also feel like there are times where its never ending!!! like I just yelled at that kid to put that away like a bazillion times!!! I even get overwhelmed because I think like oh my goodness I have to do this all over again tomorrow!! After I saw that movie I felt in my heart that I am important and what I do does matter. I may not see the fruit of my labor right away. No I don't get paid in cash value for what I do. Also that I do need some time away just for me! Its so hard for me because i don't have the money for it or I don't have a friend just to accompany me. But I know its important to do it so I can fell refreshed and ready to tackle my everyday job.
                             I remember a telemarketer called me and asked what I did for a living and I said stay at home mom and he laughed and asked if we could exchange jobs. I laughed and said sure!!! and told him just so you know my job doesn't end at 5 or even start at 9, I don't get vacation time or even sick days and I don't get to clock out. He stopped laughing and said oh yeah I'll keep my job. I had to laugh and then yell at my kids lol. Soooo MOMS WE ARE IMPORTANT!!! Our kids are the future how are we raising them? what we do doesn't go unnoticed, sure we picked up that toy like 50 times but hey you know there will be a point where we will miss that little toy. If your a mom and you need a break please let me know I am sure we will find something to talk about lol So moms remember we are important no matter what!!! :)
 

Getting lost camping

So the week before labor day I went camping with my family, and people from church. I must say first of all is that I was never a camping person. My sis would invite me and my family every year and well I would say no and say I don't want to go pretend I am homeless. hahaha But yeah this year it came all together. My husband never asked to go or even pushed it on me we just went one day and looked at the camping gear, I knew it was coming up on that time and my sis was gonna ask as usual, so we were looking at tents and stuff. The tents all seemed to be pretty expensive to me so I was leaving the isle and I saw a tent for 80 bucks when I turned it around to look at the front to see how many people it fit, it was a 8 person tent! so of course we bought it lol. Then everything was coming together, the sleeping bags, the food and everything so we went! The kids were so excited they counted down the days till we left.
       So we left on a wed. the plan was to leave early in the morning but we didn't get everything packed in till around 9 hehe.

As you can see we were packed to the gills. hehe we also had stuff for my sis too. I have to say I am glad I was able to go with her, she knew what she was doing. In all honesty I wouldn't have gone without her because I would have no idea what i would be doing hehe. anyways we got there wed afternoon the weather was soooooo awesome!!! the guys unpacked while we got lunch ready. well we took some pictures and then got lunch ready hehe. I must say though I am so proud of my girls! they help dad put up the tent and even unpack the beast!! they did not complain at all about anything!!  It did sprinkle wed evening and so we paused unpacking and enjoyed the nice cool weather. plus I got to use the ponchos that I bought hehehe. So wed night the rest of the church people got there. It was pretty cold that night so of course we went and helped the families get their tent up and fire going. Both of our phones died up there so we had no way of telling the time just that if it was light or dark. lol but I guess there were some grumps out there that yelled at us to go to sleep.

        We got up Thursday and some people left a not on the bathrooms door saying how rude we were chopping wood late at night riding quads till 1 in the morning and singing songs all night. they also said they were gonna report us to the ranger. that quiet time is at 10. so of course I wouldn't be me if I didn't respond. So of course I was very polite about it. I didn't say any bad words or make fun of their momma, which I wanted to so bad I was so mad. but instead I put "If your not Native American you don't own the land Ps if you wanted quiet and privacy go get a hotel room PSS stop being old grumps" and I taped it back on the door for them to see. heheh of course after that everything was cool. lol but Thursday was pretty chill the husband got up early and the husbands went to Payson because of course we forgot some stuff so they went to go get what we were missing. Once they got back we walked to see the lake and catch crawfish. It was such a relaxed day!! We lost track of time and just went with the flow.

          Friday we got up early....again! All the husbands went hunting. when they came back we went back to the lake this time there were more people with us and we had a blast. I was almost tempted to get wet in the lake, instead I got in the little boat!! I was so surprised of myself I didn't sink it!! hahah

 so after we got back we packed up and left. :( I was soooo sad I didn't want to leave all my girls didn't wanna leave. They talked about how much fun they had and what they did. we stopped in Payson and got McDonalds to celebrate hehe. So leaving Payson we saw so much traffic trying to get into Payson!!! it went probably 8 miles outside the city!!!

So to end my blog I say this. I titled it lost because I felt lost there, in a good way!!! I didn't care what time it was. I didn't even have my phone on me at all. the kids played games on it till it died. I was able to let my kids walk to the other camps. we got to visit with the families that were there and bond. I know that I will never forget camping. when I got home I felt full of joy and happiness. I know that's hard to believe lol but I did. I felt like my cup was full of joy and love and happiness that it was over flowing. I was soo thankful to God that he made such beautiful things that we could enjoy and marvel at. yet he still had time to make a little brat like me! till this day my heart is full and I just don't know what to do with it but give it all back in thanks to God. without him non of this would be possible. So thanks God for allowing me to get lost in your beauty.



step parent or real parent

So most people know I am not only a mom but a step mom as well. My family is blended and when my husband started to date he told me straight up he had kids. Now 4 years married and 7 years together I have grown to love and bond with his children. In all honesty I can't imagine us without them. I say a little of my background so when I say what I want to say people know where I am coming from.
. I have been noticing that ladies get with men and even married, knowing they have kids from other women. So I don't know how to say this nice but I don't understand how they can be with a person knowing that their husband\wife has other children, and not encourage them to take care of or even go see their child\children. I make sure my husband has paid his child support every pay check, and he does it willingly the court or government has to force him pay for his children. I don't understand how are you not wanting your partner to be a father to his\her children. If they are not taking care of their kids with someone else what makes you think they will take care of kids with you? When it cones to Christian people not taking care of their children really blows my mind. Your in ministry being an example, people look up to you, but yet you can't pay child support or even go see your kids? How can a spouse stand by your side knowing that you are not taking care of your child? Oh and if your that person that discourages a relationship with the child just because of the "ex" you better be ashamed of yourself!!!! The child came before you and should come before you in your spouces life and if you don't like it then dont marry someone that already has children.
So as a parent\step parent I have to say it shouldn't make a difference. Love your spouces children like your own.God trusted you with that responsibility, not anyone else but you. And to Christians who dont take responsibility for their children I hope you don't sit in church like your perfect because I know God can deliver you from that dead beat syndrome,and you step up and provide for your children.

I see it now

I have to start a month ago. I have been praying to God to mold me and shape me into a woman of God that He can use. I also prayed to bring me a friend that can teach me and lead me in the right direction. I prayed that before and felt no difference and so I just gave up. The people that were brought into my life were sent out to reach other people, so I felt left there unfinished so to speak. A pastor came from Russia and preached and really touched my heart. I saw that I have become hardened to everything. I wasn't allowing myself to be venerable and allowing God to speak into my life. I repented and I started to pray and plead with all my heart for someone to come into my life to lead me and show me and speak to me. From then on I have a new friend I can say has helped me grow in God. I thank God for her everyday. She has spoke into my life and there was a point where I didn't want to hear it or anything. I wanted to quit but I felt like God say don't pray to be molded if you won't allow yourself to be molded. So I sucked it up and prayed for strength. Then our church conference came, and I have to be honest that I get really discouraged because it seems to always preach about getting sent out to preach. This time I made up my mind this year was gonna be different, and it was!!!! I was touched in more than one way!!!! The whole week was soo good!!!! First was about serving a God of second chances, as a Christian failure isn't an option. Because God is a forgiving father that no matter your past you will always have a future with God! Man the whole week just stirred my whole soul!! I saw it clear that I want to go out and let people know about my God!! I know as I settled in my heart that I will make a stand for God, my family and I, the devil is going to aim right for us. I know God will protect us and give us the strength we need. Serving him isn't in vain. Yesterday i made up my mind we are going street preaching even if its just me. My whole family went and they loved it!! I actually got to hear my husband testify. *that's a whole other blog* but i was brought to tears because I saw what God is doing in my family!! My girls loved it!!! They even wanted to preach!! I can say i see it now. How bland my life was when all i did was go to church on Sundays and Wednesday. I see what they mean when they say they always want to be at church.
now dont get me wrong in no way am I saying I am perfect or that I think I am better than anyone because that is not what I am saying. I am human I will make mistakes and knowing me I will probably say something that will offend or upset or even get some people very angry. Sometimes I'll be sorry and most times I won't. I am gonna try my best not to do that but being a Christian is all about growing making mistakes and being forgiven. And no I am not that person that is all fake, I just can't be like that ever lol. I am me 100% and I have God working in me to make me a better me :) so if I do something to upset you or anything feel free to let me know,after all that's how we grow and learn from our mistakes :) with God all things are possible!!!