I am...ME

Well first day of school is here. My girls were totally ready, I don't wanna think about it cuz I will cry lol. My Gabby cried this morning not wanting to go to school, but we made her hehe. I didn't walk her to class cuz if she started to cry I know I would too so we left. My 2 older ones start middle school and my step son starts high school!!! Omg I can't belive it!! I have waited for this day to come when all my kids are in school and I have no one home. Now that it's here I am so scared lol I don't know how to be without any kids on my tail. If we were in Chandler I am sure it would be a different story. I would be working and not worried about my kids. I would be able to let them walk from the bus stop or even stay after school for clubs and what not. But here in a new place, new school, new everything I worry about my kids. In Chandler I knew the principal, I knew all the teachers, I was part of PTO and I knew the parents. Here I don't know anyone. Sure it's easy to say go get involved but I am scared. I was warned about women out here and I didn't believe the warning and well let's just say I believe the warning now. Sad to say I didn't come all the way out here for people to mistake my kindness as a weakness. I don't wanna become a mean person. I worked hard on becoming nice!! So we shall see as the school year goes on.
     Now that I have no kids at home I have been offered jobs and have been asked so many times when am I gonna work. Or if I am gonna go to work and where they are hiring. Don't get me wrong I appreciate all the help and everything. I just feel like here the woman is supposed to work and the guy stays home. That's not how I was raised. The man is the head of the household. Don't get me wrong yes I want to work but given our situation and how far we live I don't think I can. Everything is far here and I can't just abandon my kids here. I have a job! No I don't get paoid, no I don't get sick days, no I don't get time off or a break or a vacation and if I do take a break I am looked at as a selfish mom or a bad mom or even as if I am abandoning my kids! I can't win either way. All I can do is be me, wait for the time is right to work and take care of my children without forgetting that I am more than just a mom. I guess my husband and I make it look easy living out here to where people think that we have it made or that we can do whatever we want. I think that's good cuz no one needs to know what we are going through cuz there are some people who thrive on our failure and falls. I can't make everyone happy and not everyone makes me happy. I am learning here I need to keep my circle small. All I can do is be me! Yes I don't fit in here and I am are I stick out like a sore thumb which makes me an easy target. My momma didn't raise no fool and my daddy didn't raise no wimp either. I'll find my groove here and I'll find where I fit in. I will not conform to become like the women here. I will do my best being a mom, I will do my best learning how to take care of a ranch, I will do my best being a good friend, and I will try my all to being the best wife I can be! All I can do is be me!