New parenting called co-parenting

Hello!! So I don't know if you guys know but I am a step mom. So all together with my husband we have 6 kids all together. But growing up my dad left my mother and remarried another woman. Now my parents divorce was bad and rough all around. I heard my mom being mad at my dad. On the flip side I have had my dad leave me stranded, plan things and not show up. I have also heard the lady he was with bad mouth my mom. So it wasn't a pretty picture at all. I always looked at this situation and always promised myself I would never do that cuz as a child that have gone through that, it was horrible. It really tainted my view on life. So I always felt like no child ever have to go through that. At least if I have a way to stop it I would. Which explains why I want to become a social worker.
            So I grew up had kids and got married...in that order lol. But yeah I became a step mom to 2 beautiful children. I know some detail of my husband divorce but not to much because it is in the past and we should leave it in the past. I have reached out to the ex to let her know I am here to help not cause any problems, also to let her know I am here to stay I won't let her kids down. I guess it was tough on her at that time because she rejected me. At that time I didn't know what I was doing and I was upset why she didn't accept me.
             My husband and I have been married for 5 years, together for 9 years and now her and I are at a point where she can trust me and my husband. I saw on instagram where parents use their kids to get back at thier ex's. Or that they punish the kids to hurt the ex. That really hurt me to think that there are people that actually use thier kids to get back to their ex's or to hurt the ex. They are only being the kids and raising a generation that will grow up with a tainted view on life and grow up with a chip on thier shoulders. On the flip side I saw a group on instagram a group on co-parenting. Where the ex's together with thier other spouses raise their kids together.
          I am all for the whole co-parenting!! I don't want my step kids to worry about not being able to talk to their mom around me. I want to be able to have a peaceful relationship with thier mom where she knows if she can't make it to a game or do a certain project I will be there to help. That we can work together as a team to raise these kids to know that even tho thier parents split up they are still looking out what's best for them no matter what. So for my family this is soooo weird to see a birthday party where the ex comes and celebrates as well. All we know is the bad side of a divorce. I grew up knowing the bad, so this whole co-parenting is new to me but with the help of my husband I am determined to help raise the kids. In the end its all about making these kids life better. To raise these kids with a positive view on life. That no matter what life brings you, you can do it with a good view on life.