Choose carefully

I am sure everyone has heard the saying your choices have consequences, and I am sure not everyone believes that. When I was younger I never believed that, we'll what teen does. Now as a mother I know all my decision effect my children so I am careful of what I do. 
      Recently we are planning to move to new Mexico but my pastor shed some light to my plans. He said in our current situation we had to get our family together before we move. He said that our decision now will later not be liked we had planned. It's true with our family currently not together the move will only widen the gap.  So we will definitely take time to build our marriage, our family, and our spirtuality before we make the move. That opened my eyes that as much good intentions our choice to move is, we have to have look at who will be effected and how everything will be effected.
       Another recent effect of my choices happened very recent. My oldest daughter started to all about her real dad. I don't know much about him. I was young, I wanted someone to love me and the only way I thought I would very someone to love me is by sex. And that is how I had my oldest daughter. As I talked with her and I asked her why did she want to know now.  She said she just wanted to know if anyone was looking for her.  Oh my heart broke!  I couldn't lie to her anymore she was old enough to understand. So I told her the truth and it hurt me but I realized right them and there that my choices effect her in so many ways. I told her she had the right to be mad at me or even hate me because of my bad decisions but she understood. We cried and talked about it but in the end she knew she has a dad who loves her very much. 
        So please when you do things for yourself think how is this going to effect my kids, loved ones, or my other half. The effect may not show up right away or even a couple of days but it will eventually come up. So I beg please please please think before you act.

Live and learn

Well, I must say I was done wrong by a lady who I thought was my friend. Or at least I never thought she would do this to me. Well she is my dad's "friend" (they have a complicated relationship ) anywho she has been super nice to my family and I. We wanted to better my husband life so he decided to go to school. We barrowed money from and well financial aid was taking their time to approve him, and she was getting very impatient. So of course my husband got a second job so that we can pay her back (as well as have extra money for Christmas) so that is the back story.
     Recently my dad had come down for a men's rally with our church. That same weekend my mother in law came down as well as we had 3 birthday parties in 1 day. Not to mention the light parade that night and church the next day. She had sent me a blanket and had asked me to sew the edges on it.  I totally wanted to but I didn't have any time. I made it to all 3 parties and spent time with my in laws that came into town and also with my dad and sister :) so needless to say I didn't get time to sew the blanket.  I drove my dad back to Tucson and i told him I hope she won't get mad that I didn't get to sew the blanket and he said no.  So I came home and thought nothing of it.
              Wednesday she messaged me on Facebook asking if I could pass a message to my pops so I did and I figured I might as well let her instead of hiding it from her. Boy was I wrong about her not getting mad!!! She went off on me!! Told me I had time to sew a dress why couldn't I do this. (BTW the dress I sewed I did over 3 weeks period taking my time) I didn't respond thinking she'll get over it. Nope I was wrong!!! This lady went and put me on blast on Facebook!!!! Saying a bunch of stuff. Like I wasn't paying her back and she helped get me the sewing machine and I couldn't even sew a blanket. So I was really hurt she put all that business out there on Facebook. So needless to say it blew up. I didn't respond I just let her know she hurt my feelings and that our friendship is over I want Nothing to with her anymore.  So she resorted to emailing me!!! Saying that I was being selfish!!!!
      I have people tell me to not let it get to you. To just leave her be and ignore it. I means it's easier said than done. I was a very very very vengeful person. If anyone did me like I would make their lives a living hell. So naturally God had been working on me to not be that way and I must say it's working. As every fiber in my body wanted to lash out on her I just couldn't. I just cried. I couldn't believe someone that seemed to nice be so cruel.
        So among the many lessons I learned in this situation 2 are very important. 1 Is if your going to do someone a favor or something nice do it without expecting something in return. It only comes back to you if you do it with a right heart. Those people don't owe you if you do something for them. Be a blessing and leave it at that. If they return the favor take it as a blessing. People ask for help because they are in need not because they can return it to you. The 2nd is the best reaction is to not react. People say things and do things to get a reaction out of you. The best way to be the bigger person is to not stoop to their level.  Let them say what they want no matter how much it burns.  I can say this because it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but now as I look back at everything I can say I didn't make things worse, I stayed quiet.
      I am a very giving person if I have the means to help someone I will.  I do it with the right heart I know they may not repay me but hey at least I was able to help.  I no longer wish mean on anyone and I don't retaliate anymore.  All that is through God.  So it's hard when someone does this to me. I never did anything to deserve this. I have never done this woman wrong for her to say hurtful things to me. It's hard to not crawl back into my shell and stop helping people, I know God can heal my heart and make me stronger. I may not understand fully why she did this to me but I do know that my God is bigger and he will get vengeance for me. Also He will strengthen me to continue to do right. 
       So moral of all this is trust God he can get you through the toughest situations and strengthen your heart to deal with any bad that may come against you.