Not an expert on relationships

I was watching Divas this evening. For this of you that don't notice it's about the WWE wrestling girls, they are called divas lol. But anywho so there is this one lady on there who her marriage *to another professional guy wrestler* isn't quite working out. To the point where he tells her that whenever she is around she make his mood depressed and that once they go through the curtain it's all an act. So needless to say they don't talk, or even live together. She ends up having issues with her dad and talked with him to help her dad out. He does but then he leaves her afterwards. But before he leaves he hugs her and tells her he loves her. That's where I have to come in.
    I don't get why men do that. Yes not only men but  women too.  They leave walk out of your life, end things and want to break up or no longer want to be with you and want a divorce. But yet every now and then they come around in your life flirt with you, tell you your beautiful, or help you out with things which gives you a little pinch of hope that maybe they really want to work things out with you. When you ask can we work this out or ask if there is hope for you two they tell you no or I don't know. I mean come on!!! They are just playing with you and your emotions!! They want to see if they still have ahold on you either that or that want to keep you close. Oh but not to close where they want you back but to the point where you don't move on either. Where they don't want you but they don't want anyone else to have you either.
    Now don't get me wrong I am no expert on relationships but I have had my share of them. I did those things that I mentioned. No I am not proud of that at all and yes as I grew up I learned BIG TIME! But I also know where I am not wanted in a relationship as well. I will not mess around with someone's emotion. I know people will say easy for me to speak I am married. But honestly if my husband wants to leave he can *but it better be a darn good reason too or till death do us part* I know all the signs of a relationship that is doomed and a relationship that is worth fighting for. I try and give advice from what I been through and what I have done, and how I have used people. I don't just talk out of my butt but I talk from experience.  So when I see people doing that to others and these people are close to me I have to say hey look I know the tricks cuz I have done them, get out now there is nothing left in that relationship. I have been in the position as well where I wanted a relationship to stay together so bad I would do anything but in reality there was nothing good left. I want you to understand that won't be your last relationship and that won't be your only relationship.  You don't have to stay and be miserable, you can get out and be woth someone that is worth fighting for or that will fight for you. Don't think that life ends when your relationship ends it's making you a better person for the next better relationship that's coming to you. If I thought that way I would be dead because I would have stayed in an adusive relationship. I would have the husband, kids and life I have now. So just because one bad relationship ends doesn't mean that's the end it means a better one is on the way. And if that person walks out of your life let them leave. If that person says over and over they are done and want nothing to do with you tell them bye and let them go. Someone better is waiting for you. Your never stuck and you never know what's in your future if your to busy holding on to the past. Or your to busy holding on to something that is broken and not fixable.

Getting older

Well I just turned 30. I am not really sure how to feel about that honestly. I asked around how a 30 year old person is supposed to act lol and well they couldn't really tell me. I still feel the same and I still feel young. I don't know if I dwelt on it to long but I started to freak out. I started to think I didn't get to live my life. Like go party and do things people my age are doing. I wanted to go out and party and go get drunk and I guess "live my life" but I stopped and looked at my life now. I realized in my 30 years of life I have many accomplishments.
I have 4 beautiful children that love me unconditionally, they brighten my day and when I cry they are there to sit and hug me and cry with me.
I have a husband that words can't describe. He loves me and accepted children as his own and we had 2 together. He doesn't try and control my life, he doesn't try to change me, and he doesn't mind when I have my emotional break downs.
I also became a step mom. I accepted my husband's children as my own as well. So yes that makes it a total of 6 children. It's not easy being a step mom, when all you know is bad experiences of a step mom. I learned to also teach them and help them grow. I also learned to work together as a blended family. It's hard to do especially with 6 kids.
At 30 I can stay home and raise my children and help them grow and be home for my husband.
We have traveled to Mexico, to New Mexico, California, Colorado and Tucson. I can say my life is full of adventures, and lots of travel.
I can also so I have the best friends anyone can ask for. I sometimes get sad because I don't have a billion friends but then I remember I may not have many friends but I do have a select few that I can honestly say they are there for me no matter what. Sure it's less than 10 but it's not the number that matters it's the loyalty.
So sure I didn't go out and party in my 20s. Sure by 21 I already had 2 kids and I never got to "live my life", but I do have a fulfilled life. I have plenty of things I have accomplished and I have plenty of people in my life that will have my back no matter what. My life is full of love and lots of laughter and to be honest I wouldn't give that up for anything. No clubbing, no alcohol, and no meaningless friendships. I am happy where I am at in my life, I now look forward to many more adventures and many more friendships to come as I get older. Oh and no I will not stop coloring my hair either. 😆😆😊😊 here is to being 30!! 30 is the new 20!!

Still learning but not in school

Ok so my daughter picked out this book for me to read titled "5 conversations you must have with your daughter" I only read two chapters and I am already learning and have to "use" it lol.
        So the first chapter talked about what beauty means to society and the pressure it puts on young girls growing up.  That according to social media girls have a very unrealistic standard of beauty. From the 1800s to the 1900s girls views of beauty were very different. One thing that struck me was that the author quoted a verse from the book of Samuel saying the Lord doesn't see things like man, where man only looks on the outside where God looks on the inside.  Also that in the 1800s skinny girls were considered unhealthy or even sick and now today's society, movies, adds, and TV shows are telling our girls that the skinnier the prettier. Chapter 2 talked about girls being late bloomers compare to early bloomers. That girls who develop early than their friends have a higher chance of being self conscious. Chapter 2 also talked about dieting and eating disorders.  Also to avoid that is to remind your daughter she is beautiful the way she is constantly tell her she is beautiful. As mothers we have to watch out what we say about our own bodies in front of them. To make your home more about nutrition instead of weight loss. And most important never teas your daughter about her weight. At a young age is hard to understand the nick names. The book mentioned cellulite. That cellulite happen to everyone skinny or fat. That cellulite is not related to being fat and that drinking water and dieting and exercising have no effect on getting rid of it or even preventing it. Lol
      So it made me think a lot that my daughters are growing up in a world where dressing sexy and showing  yourself. So the next morning as my oldest got ready for school. (Thank God she wears uniforms) I noticed her skirt was a little short and it was cold outside so I told her to put on tights under. She gave me big attitude and had a long face as we pulled out in the car. I was thinking how what to say, should I yell at her, should I make her wear pants from now on. I didn't know what to do. So I asked her why she didn't want to wear the tights she gave me attitude of course. So I just told her she is beautiful she doesn't have to dress like all the other girls to get attention. Her attitude changed,she did start to cry but understood what I was telling her. I let her know that she has a beautiful face as well as a beautiful heart and that was rare. That some girls have a beautiful face but a ugly heart so they have to dress a certain way to get attention.  But not get that Good had a person for her that will love and respect her. That God sees you on the inside and that's all that matters.  By then we had gown to get school and she had a completely different attitude. Now she gets ready on hey own and when I see her she is dressed right and even wearing tights.  I can't believe my daughter is growing up. I do plan on continue reading the book and for sure use it on my girls.
       As parents we have to tell our girls they are beautiful and teach them how to be modest. Because if we don't tell them they will fall for any guy that comes and tells them that they are beautiful and sexy.  Let's teach them sexy isn't priority, that they don't have to show off their body. What's in your heart is what's important. Let's be there for our girls and not encourage that they don't have to go dating just because their friends are. But also to keep the lines of communication open with your daughter. Encourage coming to you and not lieing, let them know that they can come to you for anything. Even tho it might get us mad whatever they tell us but we have to remember to not push them away because there is a jerk out there ready with arms own to get their claws into your girls.

Choose carefully

I am sure everyone has heard the saying your choices have consequences, and I am sure not everyone believes that. When I was younger I never believed that, we'll what teen does. Now as a mother I know all my decision effect my children so I am careful of what I do. 
      Recently we are planning to move to new Mexico but my pastor shed some light to my plans. He said in our current situation we had to get our family together before we move. He said that our decision now will later not be liked we had planned. It's true with our family currently not together the move will only widen the gap.  So we will definitely take time to build our marriage, our family, and our spirtuality before we make the move. That opened my eyes that as much good intentions our choice to move is, we have to have look at who will be effected and how everything will be effected.
       Another recent effect of my choices happened very recent. My oldest daughter started to all about her real dad. I don't know much about him. I was young, I wanted someone to love me and the only way I thought I would very someone to love me is by sex. And that is how I had my oldest daughter. As I talked with her and I asked her why did she want to know now.  She said she just wanted to know if anyone was looking for her.  Oh my heart broke!  I couldn't lie to her anymore she was old enough to understand. So I told her the truth and it hurt me but I realized right them and there that my choices effect her in so many ways. I told her she had the right to be mad at me or even hate me because of my bad decisions but she understood. We cried and talked about it but in the end she knew she has a dad who loves her very much. 
        So please when you do things for yourself think how is this going to effect my kids, loved ones, or my other half. The effect may not show up right away or even a couple of days but it will eventually come up. So I beg please please please think before you act.

Live and learn

Well, I must say I was done wrong by a lady who I thought was my friend. Or at least I never thought she would do this to me. Well she is my dad's "friend" (they have a complicated relationship ) anywho she has been super nice to my family and I. We wanted to better my husband life so he decided to go to school. We barrowed money from and well financial aid was taking their time to approve him, and she was getting very impatient. So of course my husband got a second job so that we can pay her back (as well as have extra money for Christmas) so that is the back story.
     Recently my dad had come down for a men's rally with our church. That same weekend my mother in law came down as well as we had 3 birthday parties in 1 day. Not to mention the light parade that night and church the next day. She had sent me a blanket and had asked me to sew the edges on it.  I totally wanted to but I didn't have any time. I made it to all 3 parties and spent time with my in laws that came into town and also with my dad and sister :) so needless to say I didn't get time to sew the blanket.  I drove my dad back to Tucson and i told him I hope she won't get mad that I didn't get to sew the blanket and he said no.  So I came home and thought nothing of it.
              Wednesday she messaged me on Facebook asking if I could pass a message to my pops so I did and I figured I might as well let her instead of hiding it from her. Boy was I wrong about her not getting mad!!! She went off on me!! Told me I had time to sew a dress why couldn't I do this. (BTW the dress I sewed I did over 3 weeks period taking my time) I didn't respond thinking she'll get over it. Nope I was wrong!!! This lady went and put me on blast on Facebook!!!! Saying a bunch of stuff. Like I wasn't paying her back and she helped get me the sewing machine and I couldn't even sew a blanket. So I was really hurt she put all that business out there on Facebook. So needless to say it blew up. I didn't respond I just let her know she hurt my feelings and that our friendship is over I want Nothing to with her anymore.  So she resorted to emailing me!!! Saying that I was being selfish!!!!
      I have people tell me to not let it get to you. To just leave her be and ignore it. I means it's easier said than done. I was a very very very vengeful person. If anyone did me like I would make their lives a living hell. So naturally God had been working on me to not be that way and I must say it's working. As every fiber in my body wanted to lash out on her I just couldn't. I just cried. I couldn't believe someone that seemed to nice be so cruel.
        So among the many lessons I learned in this situation 2 are very important. 1 Is if your going to do someone a favor or something nice do it without expecting something in return. It only comes back to you if you do it with a right heart. Those people don't owe you if you do something for them. Be a blessing and leave it at that. If they return the favor take it as a blessing. People ask for help because they are in need not because they can return it to you. The 2nd is the best reaction is to not react. People say things and do things to get a reaction out of you. The best way to be the bigger person is to not stoop to their level.  Let them say what they want no matter how much it burns.  I can say this because it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but now as I look back at everything I can say I didn't make things worse, I stayed quiet.
      I am a very giving person if I have the means to help someone I will.  I do it with the right heart I know they may not repay me but hey at least I was able to help.  I no longer wish mean on anyone and I don't retaliate anymore.  All that is through God.  So it's hard when someone does this to me. I never did anything to deserve this. I have never done this woman wrong for her to say hurtful things to me. It's hard to not crawl back into my shell and stop helping people, I know God can heal my heart and make me stronger. I may not understand fully why she did this to me but I do know that my God is bigger and he will get vengeance for me. Also He will strengthen me to continue to do right. 
       So moral of all this is trust God he can get you through the toughest situations and strengthen your heart to deal with any bad that may come against you.

Kids how are we raising them

Ok as a mother of 4 girls I can't help but look at how we are raising our kids. As a person who was raised in a single mother home I had my share of troubles lol. So I look at my girls and can't help think oh goodness what do I have in store for me lol. But I must say between my husband and I our girls are pretty ok. I mean no they are not perfectbut no they are not trouble makers either (the jury is still out on my youngest lol ) take my oldest, I had a meeting with the teacher to get on the same page and I found out my daughter had a situation at school.  As she talked about it was like oh no girl drama already!! But then she said " I don't like drama, I try to stay out of it and not be around it. " I had to ask the teacher did I hear what I thought I heard and the teacher laughed and said yes that only my daughter and 1 other girl are not involved in this drama!!! I had to hold on to my chair lol. Later when we got home I was so surprised that my very own daughter stays out of drama!!! It still trips me out lol but I did let her know that makes me so proud of her. And well my other girls are the same easy to please and open to anything and very thankful and loving and I can't help but thank God for all of it, because I know on my own I can't do it.
          I have friends and my own sister that home school their kids. There are times where I think I can home school them, I know when we move to NM I will home school for a year but I also have concerns about that. I mean we are raising our kids and teaching them to survive the real world. So are we helping them by keeping them home away from the real world? The real world is the big test how we did as parents, what we taught them, and how we taught them. I mean they still have to go in the world and get a job if they don't know how to interact with authority figures is a big show on how they were raised.  My girls go to public school and that right there is my test. How they react, respond, and interact with other people is a big reflection on me. Don't get me wrong if you can home school and shelter your kids then by all means do it I want to try I know it'll be hard for me but I do know one thing I won't be sheltering my kids.
        I see parents teaching the age old "do as I say not as I do". But I am noticing the kids are doing just as the patents.  As parents we have to look at our actions and think is this how I want my child to act? OK yes let's look at me lol I am opinionated and I don't hold back nothing.  I think would I want my daughters like me and I say yes because in this world if a person doesn't speak up for themselves they will get taken advantage of. I warn my girls that there are people out there that will take advantage of them and their friendship. To guard your heart because life doesn't care about age, race, or body size. When it hits you it will hit you hard. 
      So we have to look at our kids are we raising people that will be a productive person to society or a menace. Never ever teach your child "do as I do" they will always do as you do no matter what. As a patent, when offer kids go into the world and live on their own, will we as parents pass the test?  Will our kids succeed or will they be 30 and moving back home with mom with all their kids and wife?  The goal for kids is to raise them well enough that when they get older and as you get older they will take care of you and not put you in a resting home.

Seek encouragement

Why is it when someone feels down or sad or just beat up by life they don't go ask for help or encouragement?  I know why I personally don't because I get shy or scared people will not understand what I am going through.  I am learning tho that when I do decide to open up and say something someone comes up to me and says "I feel the same way" or "I know exactly what you mean" or "u am going through the exact same thing" then after that I feel better that I said something. So here I am saying something.
     So my husband started a second job he works from 7 am to 1 am the next morning. It's been really hard for me. I don't know about everyone else but I have grown used to my husband being around. He became my best friend, my companion, my partner. So I for used to him being with me a lot. I am hurting right now. With these late night of staying up waiting for him my mind starts to go places I try and pray to keep away from but hey I am a woman, we crazy! !😉 so I start to feel really lonely and sad. I start to think he must be talking to other women because he doesn't seem to be as lonely as I feel. Someone else must be filling in my spot. And then when he misses events we would do as a family with my girls school or church really gets to me. 😖😭 I just wanna cry and give in to my emotions. The only thing that is keeping me from breaking down is I won't be able to stop and I don't want my girls to see me like that.
     I don't know how women who have husband's who are in the military do it. I give you ladies gold stars!!! 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 also to the ladies who have husband's who work in other states too. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 I do understand now how women go cheat on their husbands while they are away. Being lonely is hard very hard especially when you have children to because you have to explain over and over and over and over where daddy is and why he isn't there. Just remember that he is doing this for the family. His efforts are not in vain. Those of us that stay strong and hold the house down show them that we appreciate everything they do for us. To those that went out and cheat well there is always a woman out there that will appreciate what you took for granted.
  OK ok ok back to my point. I say all my feelings because I need a friend that will encouraging my and just listen to me to just be there so I can cry and not make it seem like I am over reacting. But how do I all my friends that this is what I need without sounding needy lol. I'd that made sense lol. Me personally tell people don't be shy or embarrassed to ask me I don't mind being there while you have a melt down I won't judge. So I think do I have that kind of friend? Can I just say I am on the verge of a melt down can you help me. And what will they think of me if I walk up and say that?  And at some point do I have to ask? Don't they know being without a husband is hard and figure I am going through it and just come up and comfort me and encourage me without having to ask?  Who knows but I know once I find someone to have my melt down with I will look at my friends and find out who can I help.      
              Let's take a look at or friends and other around us, those are who is going through it but don't know how to or won't ask for encouragement. Let's see what we can do to help them and get them through this melt down. Like I said I am going to go help my friends but first I have to help myself. So my prayer is to open hearts that we as ladies, mothers, women of God go and help those who just need a person to sit as they cry it out. That our hearts will want to help others that we won't be able to sleep till we go and just let them know look I ain't leaving till you have your melt down lol
              Have a good night 😎