I am...ME

Well first day of school is here. My girls were totally ready, I don't wanna think about it cuz I will cry lol. My Gabby cried this morning not wanting to go to school, but we made her hehe. I didn't walk her to class cuz if she started to cry I know I would too so we left. My 2 older ones start middle school and my step son starts high school!!! Omg I can't belive it!! I have waited for this day to come when all my kids are in school and I have no one home. Now that it's here I am so scared lol I don't know how to be without any kids on my tail. If we were in Chandler I am sure it would be a different story. I would be working and not worried about my kids. I would be able to let them walk from the bus stop or even stay after school for clubs and what not. But here in a new place, new school, new everything I worry about my kids. In Chandler I knew the principal, I knew all the teachers, I was part of PTO and I knew the parents. Here I don't know anyone. Sure it's easy to say go get involved but I am scared. I was warned about women out here and I didn't believe the warning and well let's just say I believe the warning now. Sad to say I didn't come all the way out here for people to mistake my kindness as a weakness. I don't wanna become a mean person. I worked hard on becoming nice!! So we shall see as the school year goes on.
     Now that I have no kids at home I have been offered jobs and have been asked so many times when am I gonna work. Or if I am gonna go to work and where they are hiring. Don't get me wrong I appreciate all the help and everything. I just feel like here the woman is supposed to work and the guy stays home. That's not how I was raised. The man is the head of the household. Don't get me wrong yes I want to work but given our situation and how far we live I don't think I can. Everything is far here and I can't just abandon my kids here. I have a job! No I don't get paoid, no I don't get sick days, no I don't get time off or a break or a vacation and if I do take a break I am looked at as a selfish mom or a bad mom or even as if I am abandoning my kids! I can't win either way. All I can do is be me, wait for the time is right to work and take care of my children without forgetting that I am more than just a mom. I guess my husband and I make it look easy living out here to where people think that we have it made or that we can do whatever we want. I think that's good cuz no one needs to know what we are going through cuz there are some people who thrive on our failure and falls. I can't make everyone happy and not everyone makes me happy. I am learning here I need to keep my circle small. All I can do is be me! Yes I don't fit in here and I am are I stick out like a sore thumb which makes me an easy target. My momma didn't raise no fool and my daddy didn't raise no wimp either. I'll find my groove here and I'll find where I fit in. I will not conform to become like the women here. I will do my best being a mom, I will do my best learning how to take care of a ranch, I will do my best being a good friend, and I will try my all to being the best wife I can be! All I can do is be me!

Wow time flies

So yesterday my daughter turned 13!! I can't believe how much she's changed and the woman she is becoming! I remember finding out I was pregnant, and going to school pregnant. The teachers would tell me "your lucky, cuz there used to be a rule you show you go" I can honestly say I showed them all!! I walked across my graduation stage with my 6 month baby in my arms!!
     My daughter always seems to amaze me! When we lived in Chandler she always tried out for the talent show even if she sang by herself. When I told them we had to move. That we wouldn't be coming back she didn't get mad, she didn't fight me, she didn't even give attitude. Now we live here away from the family we grown up with and friends we have had since kindergarten and she still smiles and has a good attitude. We start school in a couple days and to see her excited for school amazes me. We are talking about a new school, new state, new teachers, new friends and even the bus ride is different and yet she doesn't complain. I couldn't ask for a better daughter. There are times where I feel like as a mother I am a failure, maybe I am not raising my girls right. But when I see my daughter helping, playing, or even hanging out with her sisters I can't help but be proud. So I can honestly say I love my teen. She has become a beautiful,wonderful teen and I wouldn't want it any other way. I know there are parents out there that deal with bratty unruly and disobedient teens. I am glad I am not one of them. I love my daughter and I will give her my last breath. I look back at these past 13 years and say I have enjoyed motherhood. I am glad God sent you into my life. I have enjoyed these 13 years with you and I look forward to many more years of your life.

I don't know what is actually happening

So as most of you know that I live on the Navajo Nation reservation. Gallup is the closest town and that's a 30 min drive hehe. So you could say I live in a farm, or ranch, or homestead. However you call it we have lots of open space and animals :) Very, very, very, different from how I was raised. I was born and raised in the city. I don't even think I was allowed to have a pet. Haha I knew nothing of caring for an animal or even to love an animal. The closest thing my kids had to a pet was our pet turtle girl. Even then we forgot to feed her. Haha she was a good turtle tho even tho she bit me lol. We couldn't bring her with us on the move so we have her a good home.....
     So I move here where there are sheep, horses, and dogs. Now at first I was like ummm ewww. Haha.  But now is a completely different story!! We have had many instances with these animals that I find myself asking what is wrong with me lol. Ok so first one was our dogs attacked one of our baby lambs. I ran out to see my lamb all bloody!! I screamed at my dogs and chased them away from the lamb. I started crying and didn't know what to do. Long story short the lamb is fine and survived. Hehe but I think back at that moment and ask myself 'why were you crying?!' Over a lamb? Really?? What's wrong with you.  Haha so I just chalked it up to maybe am emotional day.  So second incident was when I barrowed the truck from my brother in law. I had to do a hay run, so I got back and stated to unload the hay. I didn't know that the dogs had followed me. I guess they went under the truck for shade. So I unloaded the hay and jumped back in the truck, started it and went forward. I all of a sudden heard yapping and my truck went over a bumpe!! That's when I realized that I had ran over my dog!!! I jumped out if my truck and ran to my dog! I started crying and checking him to see if I broke his back or anything else. Well long story short he survived and is doing better now. I look back and ask myself again 'Did you just cry over a dog?! Really?! A dog?!' So this last one was not an incident but more of a realization. This past weekend I went to go visit family. The whole time I was there I was just worried about my animals. Who was gonna feed them, who was gonna give them water, who was gonna tie them in to make sure no coyotes get them.  My husband said he has it all under control but I couldn't help but worry. Sooooo we cut our vacation short and came home!  Now I think to myself what is really happening here!!!
        I don't know when it started or how it started but all I know is now I care about animals as if they are my kids!!! I am still in disbelief about why am I caring about animals or worried about them. A friend of mine told me it's my style now, the lifestyle of a rancher. Sooooo here I am becoming a animal loving rancher. Yes I still may not know what I am doing but I am trying my best and with the help of my friends I am definitely learning. :)

Living differently

Well it's been a while since I blogged...a long while hehe Well a lot has happened. My family and I have moved to the Navajo Nation reservation. My father in law passed in December and he had land and animals that needed to be taken care of. So my husband and I talked things through, and weighed out everything and we came to a decision to move our family there. So we packed all our stuffed and moved at the end of February.
    It was a huge change for my family.  I know that the decision didn't go over to well with my sisters, but I have to follow my husband there was no other option.  My girls and I left behind everything and everyone we know. I was born and raised in phx so I was leaving my home.  I was super scared of this change.  Yes I did cry my eyes out when no one was around. But face to face I put on a brave face and smiled through it all. Yes I still get sad and get so lonely and home sick. But I keep myself busy and just try not to let anyone see what I am going through.
   When we first got here we had no running water.  It had snowed that month before abs the pipes froze so we had to wait 2 weeks for someone to come and fix it.  One thing I learned on the rez is when someone says they are coming. ...it will probably be in 5 hours or not till tomorrow. So we made do tho. I didn't hear my kids complain not once!  They were so happy when we got here. They played outside till the sun went down. To this day they love being here. Yes they miss thier friends and cousins but I asked them if they want to move back and they said no.
   It snowed a couple time when we first moved here and yes we have never seen it snow before lol so we were all out barefoot in the snow lol. The weather here is nice.  We were still wearing jackets in the morning in MAY!!! We were all surprised!  Even now in the summer we enjoy the 90 degrees lol I am kinda scared for winter lol I don't think we are ready hehe.
     Where we live nothing is close. We are 15 min from the highway. From the highway to town is another 20 min hehe.  The school is 20 min in the opposite direction haha.  So I enjoy driving now hehe.  The road that leads to our place is all dirt! Sooo when it rains it gets really bad.  Now I have been told that and being from az where we got little to no rain...so I kinda was like yeah ok sure lol. HOWEVER it rained and it sucked!!!! First time it rained my car fish-tailed it all the way home lol then the second time I had to go looking for our sheep and ended up full of mud and slipping in the mud. I was so mad at my sheep lol the mud here is like clay it doesn't get like normal mud...it sticks to each other and to you.  So when it rains I am stuck home. I can only imagine when it snows hehe. 
  We love being out here and we enjoy the views of nature and the peacefulness of everything. It's so calm and no noise, no traffic, no speed limits lol no noisy neighbors and no crime. We enjoy it and no matter what happens or what we go through we have each other.  The saying goes "home is where your family is" and it's true!  Doesn't matter where we are as long as I have my husband and my kids, and my kids are happy that's all that matters to me.
          So good night from New Mexico and I'll post more soon.

New parenting called co-parenting

Hello!! So I don't know if you guys know but I am a step mom. So all together with my husband we have 6 kids all together. But growing up my dad left my mother and remarried another woman. Now my parents divorce was bad and rough all around. I heard my mom being mad at my dad. On the flip side I have had my dad leave me stranded, plan things and not show up. I have also heard the lady he was with bad mouth my mom. So it wasn't a pretty picture at all. I always looked at this situation and always promised myself I would never do that cuz as a child that have gone through that, it was horrible. It really tainted my view on life. So I always felt like no child ever have to go through that. At least if I have a way to stop it I would. Which explains why I want to become a social worker.
            So I grew up had kids and got married...in that order lol. But yeah I became a step mom to 2 beautiful children. I know some detail of my husband divorce but not to much because it is in the past and we should leave it in the past. I have reached out to the ex to let her know I am here to help not cause any problems, also to let her know I am here to stay I won't let her kids down. I guess it was tough on her at that time because she rejected me. At that time I didn't know what I was doing and I was upset why she didn't accept me.
             My husband and I have been married for 5 years, together for 9 years and now her and I are at a point where she can trust me and my husband. I saw on instagram where parents use their kids to get back at thier ex's. Or that they punish the kids to hurt the ex. That really hurt me to think that there are people that actually use thier kids to get back to their ex's or to hurt the ex. They are only being the kids and raising a generation that will grow up with a tainted view on life and grow up with a chip on thier shoulders. On the flip side I saw a group on instagram a group on co-parenting. Where the ex's together with thier other spouses raise their kids together.
          I am all for the whole co-parenting!! I don't want my step kids to worry about not being able to talk to their mom around me. I want to be able to have a peaceful relationship with thier mom where she knows if she can't make it to a game or do a certain project I will be there to help. That we can work together as a team to raise these kids to know that even tho thier parents split up they are still looking out what's best for them no matter what. So for my family this is soooo weird to see a birthday party where the ex comes and celebrates as well. All we know is the bad side of a divorce. I grew up knowing the bad, so this whole co-parenting is new to me but with the help of my husband I am determined to help raise the kids. In the end its all about making these kids life better. To raise these kids with a positive view on life. That no matter what life brings you, you can do it with a good view on life.

Teachers

Hello!! I am back!! Well I started working since October of last year. I work as a para educator at a school. Not the school my kids go to but in the same school district. The last time I worked as a teacher I wasn't married. So when my first day of school it felt so weird to hear myself being called by my married name. On the flip side before I was married I always wanted to be called Mrs. Nez lol. So anyways back to my job. I work with all grade from kinder to 6th. I don't have one particular student I work with all day u have many students I work with all day. I do enjoy what I do very much. I work closely with the special ed teacher of both lower grades and higher grades. I see how the teachers treat these teachers and myself. As well as I see how they act in the lunch room and I have to say it's not very pretty.
      First of all I have a request to all teachers out there PLEASE TREAT YOUR SPECIAL ED TEACHERS WITH MORE RESPECT. They are teachers just like you. Except they take that extra time to help the student understand what they are learning. I totally understand that teachers are supper busy. I myself have wanted to become a teacher so I understand the job. Being on this side of the job I see that special ed teachers work a whole lot harder than normal teachers. They have to battle with the attitudes and the behavior issues. Normal teachers can ignore it and call someone else to come handle that student or focus on the other kids in the classroom. But for special ed teachers who do they call? They are the calvary. So I noticed that when my teacher calls to have her students come for group sessions the teachers give her attitude. They respond as if her time don't matter. Then the kids pick up on that and start to not respond to her after all the hard work she put into these kids. So just a word to teachers, special ed teachers are doing work so that is not hard for you. Work together on geeking the student be the best they can be.  Your petty attitudes effect the student, how they learn. If they see that your not into wanting them to understand what they are learning, they won't want to learn.
     Now about lunch time.  So I go sit in the teacher lounge to go eat my lunch. I notice that all these teachers sit in cliques. So of corse me being new I sit alone cuz I don't fit into any cliques. Can you believe it!! I don't fit into any cliques. Who would have thought lol. So me being the nice person I am. ...I go sit in all the chairs.  :) oh my goodness they get so upset!  They acted like if I just banged up thier car!! They even stop talking when I walk in. So I don't get why they have to act like.  So I try and talk to all new people that come in. I am even good friends with the custodians in the school and the cafeteria workers.  So whenever I need anything they help me right away. With the teachers I hear on the walkie talkie saying they will get to it soon.  I can't help but smile.  Now at my girls school all the teachers talk to me even the new ones. Even the one that didn't like me at first! So I don't get why two different schools with two different types of teachers. 
   I like my job and I have grown attached to the kids I work with.  I get along with everyone I work with even if they don't really like me, I smile and wave to all of them.  I make the best of everyday even if the kids misbehave and are rude to me. I just wanted to take the time and say what I have noticed going on at the school as well as give a word of advice to all the teachers out there and all the people who wanna be teachers.  Take a minute and get to know everyone and be nice to your special ed teachers. They deal with a lot more than you think.

Different

Ok so it's been a while since I blogged. I started working recently. I been at this job for like 3 weeks. I work at a school, no not my girls school. Sucks but my hours are good to be able to take my girls to school and be home with them in the evening.
   So I have noticed the school I work at is way different than the school my girls go to. One obvious difference is that the kids don't wear uniforms. Another big difference is that my girls school the vast majority of kids are of the Hispanic or black ethnicity. The school I work at majority white kids. It was kind of funny one day I had 2 kids get hurt on the playground so I sent them to the nurse. A little girl came up and asked what these kids looked like. I did not wanna answer that question. First of all I am new I don't know all the kids news, second of all these kids all look the same to me! So when she asked me who I sent to the nurse I said 2 boys, she asked what did they look like, I said ummm boys. She kept asking what they looked like so I said white boys I don't know who, then she goes was one paler than the other....I paused ummm they both were white what was the difference. She kept asking questions. I had to tell her honestly I don't know!! She finally just ran away. It tickled me tho her questions. Maybe it was a good thing they didn't wear uniform cuz then I really wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Lol
        But one major thing I have noticed with these kids are that they lie like no bodies business.  I am not used to kids lieing like that and even to the teachers faces. I had playground duty and someone lost a jacket so I figured I would ask who's it was. THEY ALL LIED TO ME!!! All of them said different names. I could understand group of boys trying to be cool but the whole dang grade level gathered around me and all LIED!!! I couldn't believe it. Another instance I asked a student a question about handwriting and he answered me but when I asked him in front of his teacher he lied. He even tried to con me into doing his work for him! I couldn't believe it!
    First of all I have done many volunteer hours at my girls school. I have spent many hours with all the kids there. Not once did I get treated like that. My girls have been at this same school about 6 years!! I have asked students about belongings that were left out on the playground or on the bus and not once did a student lie to me or mutiple students lie to me. Instead I got multiple students helping me find who it belonged to, or even helping me take it to the principal to find who it belonged to. Also if they didn't understand the homework or classwork I didn't any coning into doing for them instead I heard the students ask for help or asking to stay for tutoring.
       I talked with a teacher I work with and she said oh yeah that's how they are here. I talked to the principal  and music teacher at my girls school and it was amazing what is built into this school. The music teacher told me "oh yeah we are the best because here we are family. Here we care for each other and we instill in the students characteristics that they need to be a successful adult not just education." The principal even said "yes we do a lot for the students and family and we actually really care for our families." I wanted to cry because my girls are really blessed here at this school. I haven't heard of bullying and if there is the teachers and the principal gather together and put a stop to it. Even when I talk to others about our school I always get that our school is the best in the district. People have taken thier kids out of school and the next year they come back saying that the school they went to was no where as good as our school.
    In the end one thing I have learned is not all school are the same. Yes they are all a place of education but not all have principals and teachers that actually care for thier students and families. No public or private school can have what is instilled in our students. It takes many caring people to build that, to instill it into our students. So I totally recommend our school to those that their kids are having a really hard time in school cuz I know they will make time to make your student feel welcome.  To any future teachers or teachers please care for your students like if they were your own. Your making an impact in someone's life what kind of impression do you want to leave?