Well, as most of you know my family is a blended family. We have family in New Mexico and we try as much as we can to go see them, but it isn't a lot. So every time we do things as a family here I feel like I am not whole, I miss my step children. Yes they are not mine and there are a lot of step moms out there that could care less if the step children are involved or not. That's not me. Our kids bonded so well and accepted one another like they are blood brother and sisters that it really hurts my heart to only talk to them over the phone and to hear how much they miss each other and especially how much they miss their dad.
So I have been wanting to talk to my pastor about why do I feel like this and if it is Gods will that we move or stay. What is Gods will for our family? Pastor preaches that boys need to be raised by their dads, and that the spirit of rejection is big in a divorced family. So when I hear that my heart breaks because I don't want that for any kids mine or not. I am a product of divorce and I know the spirit of rejection first hand. I know what kids go through when the dad leaves the home, I know how lonely it gets missing your dad and wanting to be with him. which makes my heart break even more. So I pray God show me what we need to do and if it is your will that we stay here please take these feelings out of my heart. Don't let me feel so broken and guilty and bad that those children don't have their dad. Don't let me feel like its my fault that we only see them when we have enough money. Well, that has been my prayer for weeks now, I have cried about it and fasted over this situation. Last night I went and talked to my pastor to see if maybe God have him the answer and need me to seek it from my leader. However he told me it is a tough question/decision to keep praying about it.
My husband and I have talked about it and with heavy hearts we have decided to move closer to the children. So yes that means we are moving to New Mexico. We are currently looking at houses and well, my husband has thrown a couple of other city names out there besides Albuquerque. He is looking at Durango Colorado and Farmington. Yes it is scary to relocate my whole family to place where I don't know anyone. But I know in the end it will come out right. I know a lot of people are not going to be happy about this news. I ask please help us pray God opens doors for us, that we go where God wants us to be. Where we can continue to grow in him as well as where we can be the most help at also.
Now please no negative prayers please because as of now I am praying that God send them right back where they came from. I know God will show us what we need to do and will open doors as long as we have faith and believe in Him. I will miss my family and friends but if they truly love me they will pray that God will put us where we will be safe and well taken care of. So I write this because this issue has been keeping me up at night has been tugging at my heart and I feel like this is very important. I want to say that I believe God and He will move and open doors and all of you will witness the awesome power that God can do.
